Jesus may have turned water into wine, but I turned wine into vomit. Your move Jesus.

Got kicked out of church cause I started making hissing sounds as I dipped my finger in the holy water.

LOL @ Republicans who say they'll move to Canada if Romney loses. We allow abortion, gay marriage & have free healthcare. We don't want you.

According to Donald Trump, there will be hell toupee!

Sometimes, those who smile on the outside suffer the most on the inside. You must speak to their soul to find their pain. #bellletstalk

This shampoo bottle says rinse and repeat so I've been washing my hair for like two days.

Cheese is all like "have a grate day" lol.

Reading these #bellletstalk tweets make made me cry. It's tragic not knowing what people are going through. Lots of us suffer in silence.

Farmers be dropping beets lol.

If a midget kills someone, is the correct term, "the murderer is still at small"?

Just burped really loudly into Shazam & it said it was Creed?

Looks like someone forgot to water your family tree.

I bring a blender to a gun fight because who doesn't want a margarita???

All these horse jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker are so neighgative.

Lil Wayne picks up a kitten & pets it. "Thug life" he softly sobs.

A little girl told me I'm too old so I told her her hair looks stupid.

"Yes, I am ok." -Annie

It's quite amazing how fast the service is at banks when you wear a ski mask. Super efficient.

Whoever said the best things in life were free was must've been poor.

Rage Against the (broken elliptical) Machine!