Click on Youtube link -> prompted for real name -> "nahhh....I probably shouldn't watch that anyway" -> close tab

I recognize that I can use hatred/anger to build something, but it’s a finite resource that leaves me worse for having used it.

if there is one thing I love doing while I'm drinking and watching cartoons, it's surgeon hand exercises involving coins.

How many ostrich eggs are in a megafritatta?

I'm beginning to think this "Michael Bay Seasoning" is just cocaine.

I recently felt that way from disassembling, cleaning, reassembling a kinesis ergo keyboard. (the weird one)

Discussion of time cost between engineering and company management shouldn't feel like haggling.

git push origin hamster should do the same thing.

I obviously need two devices. I use the kindle to read the star wars novels, and the nexus 7 to look up pictures of ships duh.

"This isn't a resume, this is 7 individually wrapped craft singles and $18 in dimes."
"....."
"You're hired."

Thank you for joining me on Today's episode of "The Future Is Terrible". Today's topic: I lost my fucking e-book.

In Today's paperless society, my mailbox is a trash can I have a key to.

5pm starts my only unemployed weekend in...a long time. So what's a good thing to huff out of a paper bag?

@candersonmiller it's usually yacht ownership.

Every day I wake up and think to myself "what's standing between me and yacht club membership?"

I think people say I’m a calming presence because no one has any hope of freaking out as hard as I am constantly inside most of the time.

When confronted with an especially powerful toilet flush, does anybody else say "whoa! somebody's a hungry toilet!"?

AND MAYBE JOKING ABOUT HOW IT'S THE FUCKING FUTURE AND WE SHOULDN'T USE PHP AND SVN ANYMORE - I DON'T HAVE A BIG RANGE

I'M SUPPOSED TO TWEET ABOUT MY GENERAL WHIMSICAL NATURE AND NOT CRYING ABOUT SAD THINGS - THATS WHAT I OFFER

Japan, will you just give it a rest with the awesome stationary? I'm not fucking made of money.