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Was just reminded there are two types of people: those who can pronounce "Chipotle" and those who can't.
There may be nothing better than hearing a BBC broadcaster say, "underpants bomb."
My new electric toothbrush doesn't have a timer to tell me when to move to the next quadrant of my mouth, so yeah, I think I know hardship.
Actually Twitter, I feel like the following the NY Stock Exchange is probably not similar to following Downton Abbey.
Hey dude, we knew you were a douchebag when we saw your hairless body. No need to reinforce it by carrying your ipad around at the gym.
Whole Foods is like a demilitarized zone where a guy in a suit and a tie can stand right next to a dude in a caftan, crocs and a cowboy hat.
I accidentally looked into the super-magnifying mirror in the hotel bathroom and now my life is over.
Nothing like seeing the puppy freak out because I'm in front of her in the mirror and behind her in real life. Is this what god feels like?
There's a white kid working at my favorite Mexican restaurant and now I can never trust anyone again.
Finally replaced my bald tires. Taking suggestions for a new element of danger I can add to my life.
Maybe it's the three hours of sleep, but nothing in the history of the world has ever been as funny as this pigeon inside terminal 7 at JFK.
Attempting to destroy my boyfriend's best childhood memories by making matzoh ball soup the only way I know how: very badly.
I feel like the first rule of a holding a social media panel is having it in a room that gets decent cell or wifi service.
Hey guys - I feel like we probably picked the right guy tonight.
The fact that Banana Republic has an Anna Karenina collection makes me want to throw their design VP in front of a train.
It's feed a cold, feed a fever, feed a depression, feed a mid-life crisis, feed a Wednesday, feed all day every day, right?
Henna tattoo down my arm three days before for Yom Kippur services = not my best decision. #cluelessshiksa
I used to feel bad about applying lipstick while driving, but that dude was definitely watching Ghostbusters on his ipad at 80mph.
Self-important. Self-absorbed. Self-righteous. Annoyed with self for those reasons and more.