@capricecrane's (caprice crane) most faved Tweets...
The Pizza Delivery Guy said "Thank you" but his face said: "Porn really, really lied to me about what this job was like."
Getting into the Mardi Gras spirit, I flashed my boobs today...but all I got were business cards from plastic surgeons.
Swiss hookers are trained on defibrillators. Which means I'm not even qualified to be a prostitute. A new low.
I went to tell the Girl Scout: "Your cookies contribute to US obesity" but what came out was: "Two Samoas, please."
A Delaware man was caught masturbating on a Southwest flight. It's okay, though: it's not like he was fat or anything.
Gatorade: "We no longer see a role for Tiger in our marketing." Under his breath: "Because 'Is it in you?' sounds wrong now."
Miley Cyrus: "Country music's contrived."
Wait until her Word of the Day toilet paper gets to "irony."
Wait until her Word of the Day toilet paper gets to "irony."
I think Heimlich was a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking.
Upon hearing brothels rate whores on a five diamond system, women think two things:
That's awful.
I'd be at least a three.
That's awful.
I'd be at least a three.
Report: "Gosselin Kids 'Depressed' By Kate's Dancing with the Stars Appearance."
It's no picnic for us either, kids.
It's no picnic for us either, kids.
Lil' Wayne's sentence is postponed while he gets "grill" work done. Because in jail, you wanna show off a pretty mouth.
Flava Flav owes 63K in child support. If only he had a clock large enough to help him remember things...
People forget how persecuted big butts were before Sir Mix-A-Lot.
That's why the Queen knighted him.
That's why the Queen knighted him.
The 1st rule of Fight Club is: No one ever addresses how homoerotic Fight Clubs are.
The 2nd rule is: No girls allowed.
The 2nd rule is: No girls allowed.
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