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Girls don't get mad. They get silent. Eerily silent. And yes, you should be afraid.
I'm sorry, you seem to have me confused with someone who is interested in what you're saying.
In a recent study, scientists found that 75% of teenage girls are "literally dying" while the other 25% "can't even."
Ladies, please don't wear white yoga pants in public. There's absolutely no reason I need to know every detail of your labia. Thanks.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call" and your natural instinct isn't to say "Ghostbusters," I probably don't want to know you.
I don't care about time or distance. I just want my GPS to plan a route so my phone battery will be at 100% when I arrive.
A Times Square Spider-Man was arrested for demanding money from a woman & punching a cop. Apparently, with no power comes no responsibility.
Maybe once I can eat a plate of spaghetti without getting it on my shirt, I'll be ready to have a kid.
A haunted house, but it's just your entire Google search history being projected onto every wall.
If someone says, "I call bullshit," when you're lying, just be like, "Really? Does it answer?" Then run away. (I'm good at relationships.)
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when you prove you're an idiot over & over, you really don't give me much to work with.
You'd think the toothless guy with one shoe winking & giving me a thumbs up wouldn't really impact my day, but you'd be wrong. Still got it.
We see you, couple sitting on the same side of the booth who can't stop kissing, and we give you another 3 weeks of that nonsense. Tops.
People who try to defend themselves by saying, "I'm a good person," are 100% never good people.
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane