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Please help families devastated by the Nepal earthquake via: Save The Children: https://secure.savethechildren.org/site/c.8rKLIXMGIpI4E/b.9274575/k.FD90/Nepal_Earthquake_Childrens_Relief_Fund/apps/ka/sd/donor.asp … (Or via: @redcross, @care & @oxfam.)
I just honked at a girl to tell her part of her dress was caught in her car door, and she said "fuck you, bitch." How's your day going?
You'd think the meaning of life is in my refrigerator by the amount of time I spend looking in there.
On #EarthDay2015 please also acknowledge the genius that is @amyschumer because she's making comedy a better place: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM2RUVnTlvs&feature=youtu.be …
Just overheard a seriously arrogant man say, "Your ego is not your amigo." Is it possible to spontaneously combust from irony overload?
Just saw a girl driving a pink Smart Car with a Disney Princess license plate. A moment of silence for whatever poor guy ends up dating her.
This generation will never know the joy of pushing a fully clothed person into a swimming pool without fear of damaging an overpriced phone.
Your "inspirational quote" has a typo in it. Next time, maybe get your inspiration from someone who knows how to spell.
Autocorrect should just change, "Did you get my text?" into "Thanks for ignoring my text, asshole." Why mince words?
P!nk is healthy, strong and an infinitely better role model than most 'skinny' artists you're comparing her to. Fuck anyone calling her fat.
When someone says something's because of their astrological sign, they're just letting you know you never have to take them seriously again.
Currently eavesdropping on a conversation and I deserve an award for the will power it's taking me not to interject.
Someday you'll WISH you looked as good as that photo you think you look "fat" in. It's all downhill from here. Have a good day!
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane
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