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Looking forward to everyone's parents hearing about the dress in a few days and sending FW: FW: FW: FW: DRESS COLOR emails.
Girl in my exercise class either has Tourette's or is practicing for her next porn audition. Either way, it's riveting.
Sorry, I just saw this text right now because I’m a liar.
My default setting is "exhausted."
Patricia Arquette said, 'It's our time to have wage equality once and for all' and then walked off the stage like, yeah bitches, I said it!
It's a little known fact that Oscar losers are forced to wash dishes. Brave of Lady Gaga to wear red dish washing gloves to bring awareness.
Dakota Johnson trying to make her mom, Melanie Griffith, say she'll watch 50 Shades of Grey on live TV belongs in the Awkward Hall of Fame.
Pacquiao vs. Mayweather is set for May 2. If they don't put Kim & Kanye vs. Amber Rose as the opening card they're wasting everybody's time.
Addiction is saying, "I'll just do this 'one last time,'" never knowing if it will actually be the last time because it kills you.
Shout out to all the obnoxious girls named Ashley who are like, "Hell yeah, it's Ash Wednesday, bitches!"
Time Warner Cable lady just said "I'll be here always" as she was hanging up and honestly I've never felt more loved. Wish I got her number.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
My high school boyfriend cheated on me.
Now I have trust issues. Thanks, Brian.
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane
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