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Girl at the next table just said, "No matter how much I eat I can't gain weight!" and I bonded with her friend over the mutual eye roll.
Those framed photos of hunters smiling proudly, posing with their kill, hang on the wall in their special place in hell.
I've burned my mouth while eating a slice of pizza so, yes, I do know what it's like when a loved one betrays you.
I was sure this girl staring at me was my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend but it turns out she's just a random psychopath. Much less exciting.
I like to imagine that they named TED Talks as an inside joke about some guy named Ted who just never shut up.
Cutting sugar and gluten out of your diet is the quickest way to lose weight and friends.
Yes, I saw your baby photo. Looked a lot like the one you posted yesterday. Maybe spice it up by giving her some contour and a smokey eye.
She was a "haha" person and he was "lol" so basically that relationship was never going to work.
There is a ruthless and brazen ground squirrel, jealous of my tree squirrel relationships, who is destroying all of my plants. Hurtful.
Now that the 4th is over, everyone can stop celebrating our freedoms, and go back to protesting when anyone actually tries to use them.
I wish I cared about anything half as much as people who emphatically hate cilantro.
Matt Damon calls Ben Affleck after hearing he's divorcing Jen: "Dude! We had a deal! This was not part of the deal!"
My dog is blind and deaf and doesn't have an ounce of self-pity. Animals are so much better than people.
I was literally just at la break at m cafe and now I'm 5 mins from home
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane
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