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I just saw a girl with a sperm tattoo on top of her foot. So, whatever decisions you regret, at least you don't have that tattoo. Probably.
She was the kind of girl that inspired mixed tapes. But it was 2015 so instead she got a dick pic in a text at 1am.
It was pretty cool when the Porsche blew past me on Sunset, but it was even cooler watching the guy get a speeding ticket on the next block.
If you call me on speakerphone, I'm not responsible for what whoever's with you overhears.
How many calories does "procrastinating until you're on an impossible deadline so then you just completely freak out" burn?
Just overheard two elderly ladies talking some major shit about Mary from their Mahjong game. Mary, if you're out there, trust no one.
You finally have the will power to close a tab and not buy something you were looking at. Then Facebook's like, "Oh hell no REMEMBER THIS?!"
So all the excitement over last night's boxing match was because Mayweather was actually hitting a man instead of a woman? Cool.
Woman next to me said, "After having my son, I decided not to have more kids." Was hoping she'd follow with, "Because he's a real asshole."
I always related to Pac-Man the most because he tries to avoid ghosts the way I try to avoid human beings. Also, we both really like eating.
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane
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