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If you're in an argument & someone says, "I just think it's funny how you..." I guarantee you that person doesn't think it's funny. At all.
Calm down, Adobe Update. You're acting like a needy little bitch.
Nothing bonds women faster than finding out they hate the same people.
A "refresh" button...for this plate of nachos.
Considering that US Airways plane didn't even have a landing strip to work with, I'd say the pilots should be commended!
Before posting that inspirational quote, ask yourself, "Is this worth basically telling everyone that I'm a sad mess of a person?"
It's better to have loved and lost than to notice a typo after you've already hit "send."
Instagram is down so everyone is canceling brunch because why bother?
Please don't post a screenshot if your battery percentage is low, I can't focus on the picture because your low battery is stressing me out.
My brilliant and hilarious friend @carolleifer has a new book out so read this in @vanityfair and then buy her book! http://www.vanityfair.com/vf-hollywood/carol-leifer-seinfeld-excerpt?mbid=social_twitter …
If a girl asks another girl where she got an article of clothing and she says she "doesn't remember," that bitch is straight-up lying.
A 12-year-old just told me that BOOBYTRAP backwards is PARTYBOOB so I don't really need anything else to happen today.
Don't freak out when things are actually going well in your life. You'll find a way to sabotage yourself soon enough.
A true friend understands never to make eye contact with you when you're eating unspeakable amounts of food.
If you didn't want to be in the selfie I was taking, maybe you shouldn't have pulled me over, officer.
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane