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I do the same walk with my dog every day. And every day she acts like it's the most exciting thing she's ever done. There's a lesson here.
A second shooting in Munich now after multiple dead at shopping center. What is happening to this world?!
People who have nothing better to do than badmouth others are truly the saddest of them all. You're embarrassing yourselves. Get a hobby.
Is there something more restrictive than NC-17? Because if today's America were a movie it would be rated too terrifying for all of us.
No four-year-old girl should have to comfort her handcuffed mother, who's watching her boyfriend die at the hands of a monster with a badge.
My power move is not wishing someone a happy birthday even though Facebook keeps reminding me.
Our world is literally falling apart but Joey Chestnut ate 70 hot dogs in 10 minutes to regain his Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Champ title so...
Sorry, multiple sneezers. You're gonna get one "bless you" out of me and that's it. After that, I'm out.
There's a special place in hell for people who honk at you the millisecond the light turns green. Their eternity should be non-stop honking.
I found out today that if you sing "fuck you" with a range of notes and some falsetto, the person you're addressing won't really notice.
I'm never too busy to stop and eavesdrop when a couple is fighting in public.
Yesterday LA was so hot everyone posted screenshots of the weather, but today's cooler so there's a void they can only fill with more Botox.
I just unsubscribed from a couple dozen email lists. I've never felt so alive!
Sorry I didn't hear what you said, I was trying to keep my head from exploding after reading a bunch of idiocy on Facebook.
If you think you might want to commit a mass shooting, the best thing you can do is take that handy gun and kill yourself.
There's a toddler with a mullet at the next table and I feel like she's totally judging me.
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane
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