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The only thing more "L.A." than going for a hike and then out to brunch is making plans to do so and then cancelling.
Working from home is as miserable as having an office job. You just hate your boss (yourself) in private.
I think I'm a tough cookie who's not easily manipulated, and then you show me any kind of animal in need and I'm pathetic.
Years from now when your kids learn the divorce actually WAS their fault, they're gonna be pretty angry about all your lies. Happy Saturday!
The person who decides the 'per serving' info on food labels has both the world's smallest appetite and my eternal hatred.
My favorite part of Coachella is not going and enjoying that the worst people around are at least 2 hours away.
Hey, people who spend your life arguing with strangers on the internet: Everyone else is embarrassed for you.
The more you care about making that April Fool's joke, the worse a human being you are.
Guy at the airport just said I look travel-weary. I said "No offense taken." He: "You didn't just get started did you?" Yes, asshole. I did.
Beyond saddened to hear of Garry Shandling's death. Brilliant, generous, always funny and a loyal friend. We've lost a good one. 💔
Don't ask me for a "reason why I'm unsubscribing" to your email. Ask yourself that, buddy.
It would be cool if we had leave-me-alone blinds that we could close over our face when we're having a bad day.
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/writercapricecrane Instagram: http://instagram.com/capricecrane
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