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The reason I don't go out much is that there's only so long I can pretend to be normal.
When receptionists ask if I need validation, I think, "Please say I'm pretty. Tell me you're proud of me. Anything!"
Just a stamp.
I just heard a neighbor calling to her children, who are apparently named "Serene" and "Seven," so I think I"m done for today.
Toddler just stood in the aisle and peed on the floor because her mom waited too long. This flight is special.
Flight attendant fixed it. She said it's just for aesthetics and not to worry. He's now siting with his eyes closed, acting like an angel.
I asked why he did that and he asked me to get the flight attendant and not yell at him. No problem. Can you not break the plane?!
The older man in the window seat who's been tapping at the window for the past 5 minutes, just pulled OFF the window-frame like a lunatic.
A toddler one row ahead of me on my flight, is learning how to say "fox." Her loud, incorrect pronunciation is endless entertainment.
My hairdresser lost a ton of weight due to a parasite and everyone in the general vicinity is asking how they can catch it.
Creepy guy driving up and down my street, asking everyone "Which house is Gwyneth Paltrow's?" in case you were wondering what LA is like.
Babies screaming and throwing fits have no idea how good they have it. Like who doesn't want to have a fucking meltdown almost daily?
An open letter to anyone considering writing an open letter:
The only thing more "L.A." than going for a hike and then out to brunch is making plans to do so and then cancelling.
Working from home is as miserable as having an office job. You just hate your boss (yourself) in private.
I think I'm a tough cookie who's not easily manipulated, and then you show me any kind of animal in need and I'm pathetic.
Novelist/Screenwriter/TV Writer/ Facebook: http://t.co/zvcnsdwpsG Instagram: http://t.co/Kenh8EsAXO
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