I would rather have an honest enemy than a fake friend.

Word of Advice:

If a cop pulls you over and says "You drinkin' ?"

Never respond with "You buyin' ?"

Mess with tech support...

"My password?
K...as in Knife
X...as in Xylophone
P... as in Psychic
T...as in Tsunami
J...as in Jalepeño"

I'm not lazy, I’m energy efficient.

Ladies, Guys are tired of hearing you ask where all the "Nice Guys" are. They are in the Friend zone, where you left them.

Everyone is beautiful regardless of weight, age, looks, gender, etc. Don't let anyone make you feel ugly and never make anyone else feel it.

Just got a booty call from life.

Apparently it still wants to keep fucking me on a semi-regular basis.

Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”

I'm a registered Orgasm Donor.

I'm here to help people.

Wealth is of the heart and mind, not the pocket.

Speaking of hearts ...Can I have yours?

Lazy Rule #1:

Can't reach it, don't need it.

Work hard.

Stay humble.

Guys need to respect women.

When a girl tells you to 'Have fun.' it means she want's you to have a horrible time without her...

All men enjoy lesbian porn...

Lesbihonest.

Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains

I'm not arguing, I'm explaining why I'm correct.

Hangovers are nature's way of grounding you as an adult.

Luckily I'm not grounded often.

When I'm mad I shove in my earphones and just ignore the world.