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I’m never going to have children so that I can spend my money on something more fulfilling and rewarding like a lazy river in my backyard.
Whenever a guy compliments my ass, I say, "thanks, I poop with it."
Is that a cell phone in your pocket or is your penis just vibrating?
"Good morning, everyone!"
"I know you can do better than that; GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!"
Is there a level of prostitution where someone buys me a meal and I let them watch me eat it?
If you don't like Dr. Pepper, get the fuck out of my face.
THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, YOU FUCKIN' PUSSY.
I still can’t believe I bleed from my vagina every month.
SOMEONE NUT THE FUCK UP, BUY A KRYSTAL FRANCHISE, AND PUT IT WHERE THE CHECKER’S USED TO BE.
I just told my dog that “it’s okay to express emotions” and she ran outside and into traffic.
When sex offenders move into a new place, do they throw house-warning parties?
When is Oxford getting that Krystal?
Overdue for a proper mental breakdown.
Proud, stay-in-bed mom.
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