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@michaelianblack livetweeting #househunters almost makes up for the promised Retweets I never received after buying all his damned books
RT@robdelaney: The only difference between what gay men do in a marriage & what Chris Christie does to a cannoli is consensuality.
It's a great friday to watch Russian asteroids & strange squawking goats on youtube & to #ff @meganamram @beeteedee @donni @curlycomedy
RE: Caribou -excellent opening band that happens to possess the same lightup plastic tamborine my 5 yr old niece got at Toys-R-Us @jopari
@robdelaney ashamed to realize I also trot. ...gonna start twerking my way across now
I myself am going as the sad chair clint eastwood yelled at on stage @friedmanjon My Halloween costume "chair"
I do that whenever I stand on corner screaming up at thesky RT @shelbyfero Let's all mute each other's twitter & just tweet into the void.
@robdelaney if you want me to ask your permisson before I RT U you shouldn't dress so provocatively
ME TOO!!! Wanna trade escorts? I'm not into blondes (No offense Arishka!) RT @vaguelyfunnydan Just got "friend zoned" by an escort. :(
<sighs, storms off to change outfit> RT @shelbyfero Excited to share my VMA red carpet look with u guys http://instagram.com/p/dahZ1TOyFY/
@pontifex @telescope & I were JUST talkin bout U RT @robdelaney Missed Connection You: VERY sturdy, cleft chin, hitting priest w/telescope
@jonahloeb does the "guy" have room to improvise or does he need to adhere to that script
At Urban Outfitters you also get a mild STD RT @curlycomedy A hipster isn't a person. It's an airborne pathogen you get from thrift shops.
I love it when u switch to #420YES RobD RT @robdelaney: A ladybug is riding a crouton across my soup to come kiss me.
#FridayFoodForThought RT @mandyslamberg: why does anyone care how many people someone has slept with how do you think people get good at it
ME TOO! U need a fresh pair of granny panties & pint of Ben and Jerrys my brother RT @robdelaney the supermoon made my period come early.
substitute pubes for armpits RT @curlycomedy RT u use moisturizing shampoo instead of soap cuz it makes armpit hair more bouncy/voluminous
FYI Your threats moisten me RT @robdelaney If you have NYC followers & don't RT this, I will fucking #moisten you: http://www.carolines.com/comedian/rob-delaney/ …
#DAMN #ImissMadlibs RT @jonnysun take me dowmn to the paradise ＭＥＴＲＯＰＯＬＩＳ where the grass is ＤＥＡＤ & the girls are ＲＯＢＯＴＳ
Um @progressive I need to increase my insurance premiums I read some of @iamenidcoleslaw 's tweets on my cellphone & I ran over a possum
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