Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Sometimes when I feel my dog has lost faith in me, I take him to the light switch and turn it off and on a lot to remind him that I'm magic.
It's funny that people think Facebook gives a fuck that they hate the redesign.
Shhh, your bicycling gloves told me everything I need to know.
You know what's cool? When you can donate to help tragedies by texting.
You know what's stupid? Changing your facebook picture to *help*.
My dog likes to fake bite me, so I like to retaliate by fake taking him to the vet to be put down.
I accidentally used my invigorating face wash as body wash and now I can't calm down.
Employers need to stop looking for 'ninjas'. Sooner or later a real ninja is going to show up at an interview and he's going to be pissed.
Software should work the way I misunderstood the documentation
Lots of uncreative people in San Francisco dressed up for Halloween as Giants fans this year.
Not making eye contact with a driver before crossing an intersection in front of them is as close as I get to religion, anymore.
I hate to see my money go overseas. Does anyone know if there's a National House of Pancakes?
New apartment walking times:
Work - 10 minutes
Liquor store - 22 minutes
I bet transvestites always say, "Buy a girl a drink first!" and then laugh and laugh before masturbating.
I don't always immediately understand new concepts, but when I do, I really don't.
Just when you think you've got it all figured out, you find out there's a person named Moonlit Wang living in your building.
Hey guys, remember when you were young and everything was new and exciting and girls didn't have herpes?