If katy perry was my best friend i would beat her up alot.

Cockroaches that have wings but choose to crawl are just super humble and the world needs more people like that.

I just wanna be cool enough to answer phone calls with "talk to me"

Clowns are mad cool, so its easy to forget that they also murder people.

My g-spot is actually located in my liver. Only guy to ever find it was jose cuervo. judge me or whatever

Taylor swift looks like the type of girl that talks right thru a hand job.

When i get alot of stars on a tweet, I'm all proud of myself then I realise I don't have a job and I'm depending on my parents for shelter.

Chanel No.6 is actually just the bottled scent of cigarette smoke and anorexia.

You better have a great sense of humor and a bacon flavored dick to make up for the beard you don't have.

I thought this was a anonymous site to communicate with free online shrinks. great. just great.

You had me at "I fuck like I need an exorcism"

My fingers have been awesome scented since 2005 when I learned what bean flicking was.

I've replied "go fuck yourself" to every text I got today. Thats 1 text in total. My mom is pretty pissed.

They never made a fat barbie doll cause they don't want little fat girls to think its ok to be fat. Right?

Be honest, does this clinical depression make me look sexy as fuck or what?

Got high, watched a documentary on Ghandi, now I know more about her than I ever wanted to.

Cigarettes are my favorite fashion accessory.

Me and Mila Kunis have a lot of stuff in common.
1. Dark hair
2. Human
3. Female
4. Veins
5. Mouths
Its endless, we're basically twins.

When my twitter crush RTs me I squirt a little.

Just took a shower without soap or water, i basically just walked in and thought about some stuff then walked out.