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Why is it so much easier to say hello to a dog than to the person walking one?
After 2 mos with ios5, I've developed a negative connotation to those people whose text messages are green.
To the person who snuck glitter into my jar of moisturizer, I will kill you. After I give you $20 lap dance.
If its any consolation, at least the niners get to return to SF. I've been to Baltimore...mehhh...
Step on a scale. If you haven't gained any weight from the previous day, you can eat an entire pizza. #diet #tips
Woman on the phone behind me: “It’s going to be okay, sweetie… please don’t cry… that’s why you shouldn’t have auto-drafted…” #fantasydorks
Hi, I Capitalize Each Word In My Status Updates Because My Every Thought Should Be a Book Title. Or I Don't Know How Sentences Work.
Women perform 66% of the world's work, produce 50% of it's food, yet earn 10% of it's income and own 1% of it's property. Happy Women's Day!
Just watched a woman rear end another car because she was busy applying deodorant. She smelled her pits before getting out to apologize.
Sprinted out the of the office to catch the Bart shuttle and made it without a sec to spare! A mile into our route… oh shit, I drove today.
Chick-Fil-A, must employ the absolute worst crisis management team in the history of the internet. And probably in the history of chicken.
Visibly exhausted woman next to me on Bart is muttering silently, "ooh, ooh, I pooped." Not sure if literal or missing preposition.
When someone brings you coffee in bed it feels like fucking Christmas. Adjective not a verb.
Foodphile, too-much-informationalist. Programming Strategist at YouTube Next Lab, and social media hound. These tweets are my own. #TweetingAndBurriteating