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First ever at work tweet. Yeah it's in my lunch break but you know start small dream big and all that shit
Today has been brought to me by the words asshat and fucktards. Thank you sesame shit
Boss said three-way agreement in meeting today. Only I sniggered like a kid. Whatever. That shit was funny
I want to take your hut as a symbol of my mightiness
Anyone else get to the stage where you bore ur self with ur moaning and think I'm gonna do something bout it then just pour another wine?
Apparently gargling with vodka when you have a sore throat means you have a 'problem'... Shit kills germs. Whatever
"John McCain looks like a ball bag sprinkled with icing sugar" I love Russell Howard
Wow co-worker. 15% off at home base you say? What do I look like? Sally fucking home-maker
Finding out the guy who dumped you because you didn't match their perfect self image = priceless
Just got winked at by some abercrombie looking mofo in the street. I asked him what the fuck he was looking at. Lesson learned kiddo
What my colleague think are supportive pats on the shoulder are actually me trying to perfect the Vulcan death grip. Still needs work
Chain eating kinder chocolate bars cos its too wet to smoke
Beer goggle laser surgery, ha ha
What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror... Halloumi
master of the zj. if you have to ask what it is, you cant afford it