Fuck her like you hate her. Love her like you never want to lose her.

If I ever call you beautiful, know that I mean so much more than looks.

Sorry to the lady who was on the elevator with me, but who the fuck doesn't jump around when House of Pain says so???

Don't give me that "semen voids a phones warranty" bullshit

Make sure you don't fill your life up with more dreams than memories....

Twitter Elite sext: him: I'm amazing. her: I'm beautiful. him: I love not talking to people. her: girls are so jealous. him: I ejaculated

Any man can say words to make a woman feel special. It takes a real man to make her feel that way without using any :-)

God Im so old, I remember when Metallica was good

Allowing yourself to trust someone is the scariest thing. Watching this 80 y/o woman parallel park next to my bike is a pretty close second.

I'd take a beautiful smile over somebody else's opinion of a "beautiful body". No bullshit.

When someone stars and rt's me but doesn't follow me I turn into Joe Pesci from Goodfellas " What am I a clown? Am I here to amuse you?"

It's not "Just Twitter" people. That's rule number one. The people here are real. Don't ever forget that.

Sometimes when people try to push you away, they really need you to be closer...



Clearly not this lady in the elevator, but others maybe?

When everyone else runs away from you, I'll run towards you..well I won't run but I'll walk fast as a motherfucker.

Find someone in life that makes you smile and then fuck the shit out of them!

Every problem you have in life can be fixed with:

A. A little Elbow grease
B. A kiss (awwwww)
C. A fucking death blow to the throat

Sorry sweetie. I can't be your secret. I'll leave to many marks :(

God your dirty pics turn me on so much baby. I can't imagine how turned on I'd be if I thought I was the only one that had seen them.

Let me get this straight you've never seen fast times at ridgemont high, caddy shack, blazing saddles but Ted is the funniest movie? Douche

Sext:
Me: Your Avi is so sexy baby.
Her: Yours too! It gets me so hard.
Me: Huh????...............