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  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house

    • 3,227
    • FAVS
    garyvfossBackrowSeatsTyler_Moshershelbygeorge711BlindDefSlimemiily_shafferpnwildflowercastabignet
    • 2,984
    • RETWEETS
    yo_magnet5minmisconductBlindDefSlimelectricmeowlilbrieecastabignetgaleforcewhimsKiko_B7S
    GroperClevelandericonederfulSpankMeIm0tymahatmatweetersanbayArroiaThisAlexSteinVikeeysSecretFredPollackSeanX3_theigirlseagullski__
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave

    • 3,162
    • FAVS
    jcs527MistressMentalNasir_xyOnceJaydejoci2203tddfnTLchDer367MissNaughty1801__
    • 2,783
    • RETWEETS
    jcs527MistressMentalNasir_xyjoci2203nooroma24149179QSlabbertLadyCupcake92MissNaughty1801__
    BromanConsulpbear79ScreaminZeman____CaptainObtuse
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals

    • 2,933
    • FAVS
    creampuffmcgeejaelco26roxaroodwjcs527galeforcewhimsMistressMentalExitThaWarriorAudreyPorne
    • 2,180
    • RETWEETS
    roxaroodwtwelveandjcs527galeforcewhimsMistressMentalTLchDer367TracyL66MissNaughty1801__
    what_a_messsdaniel_shawpainted_eelrollsyrollsyGreeneyedMofo1BigMickIrishVinIvsy01__sameblacklist____brainscabskidphonicispypanda
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family

    • 2,383
    • FAVS
    madison4414trishrcuzzopnwildflowercastabignetcreampuffmcgeedolcedoll_69roxaroodwjcs527
    • 2,681
    • RETWEETS
    TigraBanksyo_magnetJenn_RN23lilbrieecastabignetroxaroodwjcs527galeforcewhims
    Johnny_RedonzoLIWIKZBrianSaetre_vacant___________bucmachine
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    What if Jamie Lee Curtis is still in Lindsay Lohan’s body and she’s the one ruining her reputation

    • 2,528
    • FAVS
    samthetoucannnteenytinyelfbubblegumriotChannel_HeroMistressMentalcinderella_megMissNaughty1801__THK1965
    • 2,117
    • RETWEETS
    samthetoucannnChannel_HeroMistressMentalMissNaughty1801__a_olivia4212vulcan_kellyRichBeingRichAJohnstone76
    iamfaseShrinkMediajoeljeffreyCatLitterGirl__littlekitnerboyWhosTheresa
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I was so high I cried because I realized snakes are just tails with faces

    • 2,403
    • FAVS
    vangjbangMistressMentalNe4tAndPr3ttyMissNaughty1801__ghostlywavesValpack21deIugebethidee
    • 1,404
    • RETWEETS
    MistressMentalMissNaughty1801__Valpack21Daniell_brianO_KimaniTHK1965StolenTweets101Rodeo_Pride
    HALFniteStand__holypurgatoryBrianhopecomedyHrBrybrakcoh3ll0d0llykarencreets______
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But SHOUT it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing

    • 1,904
    • FAVS
    galeforcewhimsMissSarahAlexis_Brooklynnn_annabethcone7hu_hu22SDPlissken1BellaOfNutellaCoffeeCaitiff
    • 1,548
    • RETWEETS
    galeforcewhimsBellaOfNutellamaddietkingIhigh5sharksRunwayDanPsoobividalsgGirlnugz
    jfrank50ChipKellysBallsJosesLovesYouIlovelamp1979Scigglez__________SunnyGirl1717KingPatrick24SCBamaMantokencharlie______ashleycremMadameSnippy______urbusta
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Books are just dead tattooed trees and that's metal as fuck

    • 1,902
    • FAVS
    XyneGOHARclashbangbangFerrisindustryAmarUpadhayaymagneticfield8bricksarebestAxholetheGreat_ZachRapp_
    • 1,434
    • RETWEETS
    DaPakiGuywhitohyezmsem19bricksarebestryanmillionsAxholetheGreat_ZachRapp_speknyc
    stacywawa1Sims_was_heresanbayJaySommerbreatheandlove
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Why does toilet paper NEED a commercial? Who the fuck is not buying toilet paper?

    • 1,887
    • FAVS
    Maxine12333galeforcewhimsNe4tAndPr3ttyMissNaughty1801__snowdoernchen__haruhi_crimsonDeAnnaCaicarebear1128
    • 1,361
    • RETWEETS
    galeforcewhimsAnArtDecoDivaMissNaughty1801__RyBread1992DeAnnaCaiKiraSiobahnxomoriah18MagpieandBee
    mrjohntofu_wangweNoLuckWantedSuburbanComaBakeEmAwayToyzHallpassCanadaSteve_hamiltinSUPERJAYBAG______
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Can we talk about the word queue

    How many of those letters are really necessary

    I count one

    • 1,669
    • FAVS
    ImSoFrancisyoucantbeMissTNNthambiMistahBenJustSolo22_CongoRilla_Aunt_KaFaithInHonesty
    • 1,295
    • RETWEETS
    syaaafiiiqahrREENx_missbirdi1youcantbeMissT_CongoRilla_CiJiShaechattytamsterFancyNancyAnn
    WhatevaConc24HourBitchingClancynonosimprov
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Beyonce made the song "single ladies" then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy

    • 1,126
    • FAVS
    MissNaughty1801__forrestdegraziaSocialChalleng1sakaacpurch_skarsenlaynerecognizecourtbbiclops72
    • 1,334
    • RETWEETS
    Naughtybits247MissNaughty1801__forrestdegraziaDanielVMcCoyChocolateTexan1biclops72TheRiddler109pdxjohnny99
    leontymccarthy
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast

    • 1,521
    • FAVS
    llnsaneMissNaughty1801__lillyflower44MistressMentalolievldougpasnakhollyann1207JWesWilliams
    • 892
    • RETWEETS
    llnsaneMissNaughty1801__MistressMentalolievldougpasnakJWesWilliamsDFacobbrea_olivia4212
    KatieBurnettJ_Dazzle76rossbransondetroit_etWonderMonkey78RapeyRaperton
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

    • 1,380
    • FAVS
    SocialChalleng1LaarsaTulipengelyckshmoothLicramXxinsizionxrecognizecourtbcowans_owen
    • 951
    • RETWEETS
    shmoothTommyGuilinFarikoBrainiacTwoScoopsofpeaxinsizionxrecognizecourtbLavanyaSethpdxjohnny99
    GreyPath1__KendellMaddennigelgodwinholypurgatoryserialmatrixCuddleYourCatVoiceofgarthitmurrayDeanB15
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Dad: Why are you eyes so red, son?

    Son: I smoked weed, dad

    Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot

    • 1,292
    • FAVS
    Soy_Loco90MissNaughty1801__snowdoernchen__RichBeingRichbeefman138lauradru62daniel_shawNo_tact_here
    • 842
    • RETWEETS
    MissNaughty1801__RichBeingRichJulesC70jumpdasharkDanikaRaychelleNdeshi_Mrabbithole423JonEkerwald
    spcycucumberAirGuitarHeros__GarreTheFerretu_jellicentToneLoOnTheGonavesssaJosesLovesYouJizzIam__________
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Ain't no condoms in my wallet girl those are ramen noodle flavor packets

    • 1,261
    • FAVS
    PerraDeRazaPurandiquoteladyignobleMissNaughty1801__MistressMentalsnowdoernchen__RichBeingRichCharmingGrump
    • 673
    • RETWEETS
    ladyignobleMissNaughty1801__MistressMentalschpyduhCharmingGrumperinberrypiephilandher96beefman138
    Clancygarth0ff__________
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I hate how if a woman has sex with a bunch of guys she’s considered a slut, but if a guy does the exact same thing, he’s ‘gay’

    • 1,056
    • FAVS
    MissNaughty1801__tequilasaltlifeMistressMentala_olivia4212snowdoernchen__vulcan_kellyRichBeingRichFazio_N
    • 661
    • RETWEETS
    PerraDeRazaPuraNaughtybits247MissNaughty1801__tequilasaltlifeMistressMentalRichBeingRichbeefman138doralransonet__
    katy_baybay
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9.30pm

    • 1,072
    • FAVS
    MissNaughty1801__mplum1015MissyB62419878xinsizionxteddystrong205recognizecourtbitstotallyobvijuliepie76
    • 633
    • RETWEETS
    MissNaughty1801__pdxjohnny99MistressMentalolievlcece2820__vulcan_kellySteveKoehler22beefman138
    almostheavenly
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    People are far too concerned with the sexual orientation of people they aren’t having sex with

    • 802
    • FAVS
    MissNaughty1801__forrestdegraziamplum1015jonoabroadMissyB62419878xinsizionxkarsenlaynerecognizecourtb
    • 545
    • RETWEETS
    MissNaughty1801__isoutaherekaralindsey81pdxjohnny99EasyE_ColiMistressMentalpretty0Gurlvulcan_kelly
    bornmiserableAnita_napMs_Laser
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I'm gonna name my firstborn “arial”
    and people will be like “oh like the mermaid” and i’ll say “no like the font”

    • 820
    • FAVS
    galeforcewhimslloydrangllnsaneMissNaughty1801__thebitchyfairyconnielingussomgwtfponiespoe_tion
    • 395
    • RETWEETS
    galeforcewhimsllnsaneMissNaughty1801__morganbednarzomgwtfponiespurch_sxinsizionxkarsenlayne
    jewfacekillajakob_huberjavachipbones
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog

    I imagine that in their heads they’re like

    THAT IS DOG

    I AM DOG

    DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG

    • 637
    • FAVS
    olnikwikquirkymindcrystinaaaaakevJgmzCaleb_AbrahamCora_Hall_9884_trevorKCcourt345
    • 499
    • RETWEETS
    AishBashirdocta_wattsfoolongchooTheOFlahertyelexusss__FaithMathenyColeMuzzzBellaClapp
    Savage_Scavangek8ieokay
@cervixsmash

@cervixsmash

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