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  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave

    • 2,980
    • FAVS
    Swall0wthesuNunitedcakedomDadandBuriedseanwolfgangBurtslorpWICKED_WICKETKatharosCumsoupisgooddude
    • 2,651
    • RETWEETS
    Swall0wthesuNDadandBuriedWICKED_WICKETKatharosCumsoupisgooddudeTina_Laynekrishna_vanlilacbunnies
    BromanConsulpbear79ScreaminZeman____CaptainObtuse
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house

    • 2,667
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudelisaxy424DavidBeattie86cantwitwontwitkatekbaileycarli_piShutUpThatsWho
    • 2,539
    • RETWEETS
    cantwitwontwitPJinthecityAngryFodderShutUpThatsWhoOG_SocialWhore_TheGoodsskcMcCowgirlmotrboatr
    GroperClevelandericonederfulSpankMeIm0tymahatmatweetersanbayArroiaThisAlexSteinVikeeysSecretFredPollackseanx3_theigirlseagullski__
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals

    • 2,786
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudelisaxy424Tina_LayneAmyOKeefe78krishna_vanShutUpThatsWhoMsMac287
    • 2,077
    • RETWEETS
    Tina_Laynekrishna_vanminxemooMsMac287kcMcCowgirlsocietymaniacalEddieHaunmarvelousCara
    painted_eelrollsyrollsyGreeneyedMofo1BigMickIrishVinIvsy01sameblacklist____brainscabskidphonicispypanda
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family

    • 2,234
    • FAVS
    originalmonkMermaidDelylaSwall0wthesuNABetschHollyNrsDeepbludrowningDadandBuriedsoupisgooddude
    • 2,583
    • RETWEETS
    mjamesbcunitedcakedomHollyNrsDadandBuriedkrishna_vanShutUpThatsWhoDark_horse92itsmetrb
    Johnny_RedonzoDJLIWIKZBrianSaetre_vacant___________bucmachine
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    What if Jamie Lee Curtis is still in Lindsay Lohan’s body and she’s the one ruining her reputation

    • 2,444
    • FAVS
    soupisgooddudeMsMac287kcMcCowgirlAHoundNamedAlbagm_cageSclick7DarzieDAMNEmaSlema
    • 2,075
    • RETWEETS
    kcMcCowgirlSclick7shurbzblashEmaSlemaMissing_pointadisgraceful__Boars_TuskFuzzy_Karmakazi
    iamfaseShrinkMediajoeljeffreyCatLitterGirl____littlekitnerboyWhosTheresa
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I was so high I cried because I realized snakes are just tails with faces

    • 2,302
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudehollysnarkShutUpThatsWhoAmber_dudskcMcCowgirlBlackCheesePiemarrusya6
    • 1,343
    • RETWEETS
    76_dicksShutUpThatsWho_TheGoodsskcMcCowgirlmarrusya6HALFniteStandreawineVickey_39256
    HALFniteStandholypurgatoryBrianhopecomedyHrBrybrakcoh3ll0d0llykarencreets______
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Why does toilet paper NEED a commercial? Who the fuck is not buying toilet paper?

    • 1,809
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudehollysnarksstacy28krishna_vanShutUpThatsWhokcMcCowgirlAHoundNamedAlba
    • 1,311
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanmarrusya6RaginJasonrhizomelifeCameron_The_KidyosienaaannaredrueChristianMcBane
    mrjohntofu_wangweNoLuckWantedSuburbanComaBakeEmAwayToyzHallpassCanadaSteve_hamiltinSUPERJAYBAG______
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But SHOUT it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing

    • 1,627
    • FAVS
    BeauTieManMSgtPattonbham_belle_mindflakesdadsmakePetrifiedParentterio1429HollyNrs
    • 1,344
    • RETWEETS
    djpatricklakeMSgtPattonterio1429HollyNrsDeepbludrowningDadandBuriedunintelligibl3KatharosCum
    jfrank50ChipKellysBallsJosesLovesYouIlovelamp1979Scigglez__________SunnyGirl1717KingPatrick24SCBamaMantokencharlie______ashleycremMadameSnippy______urbusta
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Books are just dead tattooed trees and that's metal as fuck

    • 1,496
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudehollysnarkShavedSummerVagFabDorkRaspberryPiratespekulationTheWeedFather
    • 1,131
    • RETWEETS
    LovesLAandDogslady_vaderxxur0verlordSavage_ScavangeTw0Pennethartcincopaigejiffysarahrosemccray
    Sims_was_heresanbayJaySommerbreatheandlove
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    My internet addiction is getting alt of ctrl

    • 1,484
    • FAVS
    DadandBurieddarya_deesoupisgooddudeKarlTheFagkrispythehumankrishna_vanEmilyCollette9ShutUpThatsWho
    • 956
    • RETWEETS
    darya_deekrispythehumankrishna_vanMartougkShutUpThatsWhoFuzzy_Karmakaziwillem_klopperLisaMcAlister1__
    Xalqeeella__fraser
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Beyonce made the song "single ladies" then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy

    • 1,067
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedShutUpThatsWhokcMcCowgirldreamthievinForever420inamantha6gm_cageslooberbie
    • 1,299
    • RETWEETS
    gm_cageEmaSlemaSprBooyspunk72yanilovee1sammyj_04Fuzzy_KarmakaziRisssssssaaa
    leontymccarthy
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Can we talk about the word queue

    How many of those letters are really necessary

    I count one

    • 1,221
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudeXclairemckXhollysnarkpublishmissgeorgercamachoShutUpThatsWhoCupOfJay
    • 1,055
    • RETWEETS
    hollysnarkpublishmisspangieeveegeorgercamachoraaynamantha6nightshadesirisgm_cage
    WhatevaConc24HourBitchingClancynonosimprov
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

    • 1,298
    • FAVS
    michawarrenbobsredsnapperladyjazsjunkWaterLilyDreamslecstasymarieBuckeyeAnnie2dextweets1buongiorno9
    • 917
    • RETWEETS
    lydia_harperblarybleuartladyjazsjunkWaterLilyDreamsmakfactorSpicey_Rosesnelsonvroddextweets1
    AHoundNamedAlbanigelgodwinholypurgatoryserialmatrixCuddleYourCatVoiceofgarthitmurrayDeanB15
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast

    • 1,387
    • FAVS
    soupisgooddudehollysnarkShutUpThatsWhoAHoundNamedAlbamdpakrattfamousanussspharmblockIAMSTONE22
    • 805
    • RETWEETS
    naggaliemdpakrattamantha6pharmblockgm_cageKristaMcMurrayalaliiixTheGeorgey
    J_Dazzle76rossbransondetroit_etWonderMonkey78RapeyRaperton
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Dad: Why are you eyes so red, son?

    Son: I smoked weed, dad

    Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot

    • 1,263
    • FAVS
    EvileSkullmotrboatrfletchworld73DarzieDAMNNATxHANPoe_AllanPoehuitzilopochtlaFuzzy_Karmakazi
    • 831
    • RETWEETS
    motrboatrFuzzy_KarmakaziQckhdyakionodildointheroughStun_OneEvilSmurf_NopeJay_FrickinLynn
    spcycucumberAirGuitarHeros__GarreTheFerretu_jellicentToneLoOnTheGonavesssaJosesLovesYouJizzIam__________
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Calm your tit. Just one tit. Leave the other one crazy and out of control. That's your party tit

    • 1,158
    • FAVS
    morganwagner15daniel_panielMonicann86ABetschjoeljeffreysamvariasInnaBoninaDadandBuried
    • 766
    • RETWEETS
    emma_boneImNotLaRouxSpicey_RosewelustpapessamvariasthenameislauraDadandBuriedShellyMazur
    ibid78MandyUncle________Jesssicle
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Ain't no condoms in my wallet girl those are ramen noodle flavor packets

    • 1,227
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudeProf_PeejayhannahcyanideGreenestSidegreggoodman77Ancient_MachineBored_Nation
    • 657
    • RETWEETS
    johnwardbrocatocoreymarie89kv8dreamthievinrolaskotoxxpimpdaddysatanbutterflysimingm_cage
    Clancygarth0ff__________
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    If a white woman goes to the Caribbean and doesn't get cornrows did the trip even happen?

    • 1,080
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedTw0Pennethgm_cageDarzieDAMNALF_from_TVAineAnisaopenchakradanielleleigh46
    • 763
    • RETWEETS
    thatdunkii_DivineeeeOritsetemisanroxii_moriiJustForHTRobHick1216dreaminDMgreggjgc79
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    I hate how if a woman has sex with a bunch of guys she’s considered a slut, but if a guy does the exact same thing, he’s ‘gay’

    • 1,028
    • FAVS
    GrayBellnapHuntcommaLaurasarah__bowman_fartnettProfessorNippleAveryPogueIWantATardisjoeycoppafield
    • 642
    • RETWEETS
    BeerMeatsarah__bowman_ajones96DadandBuriedDJLIWIKZJanellLenorebearcub577UncleKermit
    katy_baybay
  • cervixsmash
      UHH @cervixsmash

    Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9.30pm

    • 1,010
    • FAVS
    DadandBuriedsoupisgooddudegm_cageFuzzy_KarmakazipoliticsandsexStickyickyBunsgenerator5000dandaman6200
    • 599
    • RETWEETS
    leah_fshrAlannaGaglianimarerageShelbyLengyelItsMaxMaherallyzayyDoctor_Mandosarahtahami
    almostheavenly
@cervixsmash

@cervixsmash

http://favstar.fm/users/cervixsmash