If you can't beat them, try again when they're sleeping.

Sleep is a temporary cure for loneliness.

Somewhere around the world, someone is getting starred for putting vagina and penis in a tweet.

I don't have 6-pack abs but I have 2-pack boobs.

If we're all gonna die, why don't you go first.

Life is what you fake it.

I love how silence sounds.

Beauty without brain is like a food coloring. Adds color but no taste.

When one door closes, another opens. Like you know, if you're a delivery boy.

I'm so Asian, I eat rice with rice.

If I am not gonna fuck up my life, who will?

I am good at numbers. One, two, three, four, five, sex.

It's amazing how 3 sweet words can change your day.


I don't care.

You make my world a wetter place.

I once told someone that I don't know how to use chopsticks and he made fun of me.

He's blind now. I used the chopsticks.

Do you know what we have in common? We are looking for something not common.

The two most important words in the planet.

Move on.

Relationships are like earthquakes. Always near the fault lines.

I deal with assholes, one hole at a time.

I am creating a new account and the website said my password is weak. I cried.