The last bite of a popsicle is always super awkward

pears: in case you want a potato and an apple at the same time.

I don't understand how secretaries have the self discipline not to eat the candy on their desks but not enough to not bang their boss

If you write down all your problems and then read them as if they were someone else's suddenly the answers become very clear

"it's expensive to look this poor" -urban outfitters

Maybe some socks don't want to be in a pair. Maybe some socks want to be alone

Here's a depressing statistic: all bunnies die.

I have an uncanny ability to chose to wear skirts on days when it's super windy.

If someone brought me micky d's bfast right now if would be sort of weird because I didn't ask anyone to

Good rule of thumb: if something is denim and it isn't jeans it shouldn't be denim.

@elibraden look you were funny but now I have to unfollow you because of all your stupid fucking retweets. Seriously, it's annoying.

I love listening to the rain outside while the people on my tv get ruthlessly murdered.

I almost felt bad spending $90 on suede Tom wedges but when I pictured a little African kid in the same ones I couldnt help myself

Going sampling at Costco. My favorite afternoon activity

is a crumpet a real thing?

Had so much fun camping! (thats where rich white people pretend theyre poor for fun)

time machines probably wouldnt be that fun for black people

Colorado is a gateway state

im going to start a project called "it gets butter" for all the sad food in my kitchen

If a beat drops in a forrest is dub step still awful?