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Just bonded with a lady at Whole Foods over our matching 1967 Coach purses! We laughed & laughed & outlived our husbands & died of melanoma
I just blew my nose with a dryer sheet because I'm original, smart, fun, creative, resourceful and crying hard in a pile of clean laundry.
Fantastic job on the wedding cake, this is exactly how I want it to look! No need to box it up, I'm going to eat it here.
"Scarves!"- museum going women
Does this shirt make my breasts look too touched by my uncle when I was 13?
Um, earth to Adam Carolla, did you not see my tweet that has FIFTEEN retweets??
Hold on a second, Anthony Weiner was a congressman?? He told me he was the Federal Boob Inspector!! :(
My bank called because I haven't bought a $20+ candle in a while.
They were like: you ok girl? And I was like: don't get me started girl.
"I'm Katherine!" -Middle names.
If you thought bedbugs were bad wait til you see bedBEES!
Guys, you gotta watch ALL of that Dustin Hoffman interview. Right at the end he points down and says "Now get to suckin'" Don't be fooled!
Art school girls be rockin' them visible leg bruises
Ugh u know when u fuck up and hit emergency call, then u dial 911 then u report a bomb then u describe a coworker then ur in too deep ugh.
Lance Bass is engaged to you are almost 30.