@chiclet_'s (Small Chick) most faved Tweets...
What's less damaging to tell a child when they find your nipple clamps- the truth or that they're double roach clips?
Back before I married guys kept asking, "Are you free tonight?" I was like, "No bitch. It's gonna cost you dinner".
Today I put away all of my smokin' hot summer tops and humped them a little to let them know I'll really miss them.
Solution to coffin storage problems- bury them empty in the backyard til you need them. The look on your neighbor's face will be priceless.
Ever notice that kids are a lot like shackles- only shackles are a lot less irritating and a lot less embarrassing in public.
Pro Tip: When tranquilizing children with a blow dart gun, do not take a deep breath in when your lips are upon the mechanism.
I cannot emphasize this enough. For those of you in good health, do not take breathing through your nose for granted. That is all.
Those kegels have really paid off. I'm now able to shoot my husband across the room with one good cough.
Have to miss the Saints game to go to a baby shower and still sick.What's that capsule you take when you've fallen into enemy hands?Cyanide?
Embarrassing moment: When gutting my house after Katrina, dad moved my mattress and my vibrator clattered to the floor and turned itself on.
So, offering my body to you is my way of saying thank you for helping me reach 50 stars, but I'm running out of organs.Interesting conundrum
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