well my student loan exit counseling just taught me that my best repayment options are 1. 25 years of public service or 2. death

my grandma is picking glamour shots to send to church for the grad bulletin. wants to know where she can get a copy of my press pass photo.

fact: i bawled my eyes out when the laguna beach cast graduated high school. fact: i did not cry when i graduated college.

i send myself more emails than everyone combined.

why isn't there an app that lets you take a picture of your mole, upload it and find out if it's cancerous?

in related news, my mom is wearing tartan TOMS. so there's that. pic.twitter.com/qfoD8tF4cg

me, to the kitchen: "11:11 MAKE A WISH." cole: "i wish you'd shut the fuck up."

mom: "i need you to put some songs on my phone when you get home. like 'save a horse ride a cowboy.' it's for when i run."

@jwglass oh, she's just being miley

"that's how i found cafe strudel. i google mapped 'breakfast burrito.'" @incognitosanito

RT @pourmecoffee: Obama needs to come out now and shoot fireworks from his skeet rifle.

"google earth. always takin' pics."

you know when your phone's been dead for 15 hours and you think you'll have 19 texts but really you have zero? that's weird.

my brother has filled our cup cabinet with mason jars to emulate the fine duck dynasty men. i'm drinking milk out of a mason jar.

my mother is using my flashlight app to read the macaroni grill menu. in the restaurant.

young girl in old navy wants new peacoat. she's lost two others. her mom: "you will freeze to death before i buy you another."

"i brought home summer's eve. but my sisters don't know what it is so they've been using it as regular body wash." @kaycrennan

CVS cashier thought she was better than me because i was "good" and she was "well." bye.

maybe cried a little during "springsteen." he worked a few verses of "born to run" in and it was beautiful.

joe's schoolwork. draco malfoy sounds like: condescending boy  http://instagr.am/p/RLPTmLIv2L/