@chokeychicken's (Chokey) most faved Tweets...
My grandmother just asked me why I don't have any photos on Facebook. Well, at least I know their privacy settings are working properly.
Big deal. You can unwrap a starburst with your tongue. Open this jolly ranger with your vagina. Then I'll be impressed.
Today I realized that I have selective hearing. She kept saying "it's that time of the month" but all I kept hearing was "it's bj week."
I've been told I come across as a douche on twitter. Which means you will stick me inside your vagina. It's all part of the master plan.
This tweet is coming from inside a gay bar. Please star it so I feel more comfortable. This is my time of need.
Home sweet home. Where I can wake up with my shoes on and feel confident that I don't have a penis drawn on my face.
The thing about not being able to cook is that you consider maraschino cherries and chocolate milk a perfectly acceptable dinner.
I'm assuming the line between social drinker and alcoholic is somewhere on this measuring cup that I'm about to take a shot out of.
If I plan on having long term Twitter material, I'm eventually going to have to steal someone else's kids.
It's pouring and I'm doing midnight Black Friday at Toys 'R Us. Where a kid can be a kid that forgot his flask and doesn't own an umbrella.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.
I didn't truly know what it felt like to be a woman until I had to make a CVS trip at 11:30 because my XBOX controller ran out of batteries.
"You should really look into doing stand up comedy," she said. And that's when I knew my comments about her lazy eye were funny after all.
Obviously the guy behind me isn't on twitter, or he would understand that I'm trying to star this tweet and make a U-turn at the same time.
I'm thinking about being a Google Wave invite for Halloween. That way, everybody will want to use me even though they have no idea what I do
Yeah, I got road head once. It was exactly the same as normal head, except with a little more braking and a lot more choking.
It's all fun and games until somebody decides to flash their genitals. Then it's hilarious and arousing.
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