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I guess the main thing I've learned from my years of studying Gemara is that people named Reuven shouldn't loan money to people named Shimon
From all of us at the iPhone autocorrect team, happy chandelier!
JEWISH HOLIDAYS: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
CHASSIDIC HOLIDAYS: They imprisoned him, he was freed, let's drink.
Friends don't let friends have any other friends.
What do you call a drunk Lubavitcher?
Harry Houdini's greatest trick was untangling his tzitzis when they came out of the dryer in 2 minutes flat.
Hotels in Sodom cost an arm and a leg.
One time I found $98,000 in a desk I bought but on my way to return the money I fell asleep on a stranger's shoulder :/
Chabad of Sochi mistakenly won silver when the Shliach chased after the Israeli team trying to get them to put on Tefillin.
My kids are practicing for the Mah Nishtanah. I'm practicing for the Arba Kosos.
WHO GAVE THE KOSHERLAMP ITS HECHSHER?? I ATE THREE OF THEM AND THEY TASTE HORRIBLE!!!
If the searchers for Malaysia flight 370 would just make a big donation to Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes Tzedaka, the plane will be found in no time
Maybe the plague of darkness was just a week without wifi.
The good news is that if you go to war with Satmar and capture a beautiful woman you won't have to pay a barber to cut off her hair!
...And then the Poritz died & the Baal Shem Tov rode home just in time for Melava Malka. So anyway, is this your first Shidduch date too?
1. Walk into a random Shul
2. Bang on the Bima until everyone is silent
3. Announce "this Bima is sturdy."
4. Walk out
Screenwriter. Amateur Lubavitcher. http://t.co/szEZov5Fyc Editor of http://t.co/p6S58COMag all tweets are my own