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My two biggest fears are 1) dying alone, and 2) spending the rest of my life with another person.
how about a computer keyboard made of crumbs so when you get some crumbs on it you can be like oh cool more keyboard
Let's start calling babies mashups.
If you got a problem YO I'll solve it check out my book "Vanilla Ice Solves Your Problems" available this spring from Random House.
fuck man, you throw me a noun, a verb, WHATEVER you KNOW ima slap a dash y on that shit and adjectivify the FUCK out of it
ugh dumb sun won't stop shining on my face reminding me of the fleeting beauty of existence
If you shoot for the moon and land among the stars, you're an idiot who overshot the moon by 4.24 light years.
I'm kind of a big Biel. - Jessica Biel's dad
"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?" ~ Katy Perry
Dark will be the day when Burt unleashes his horde of Bees upon the world.
Every exclamation point I write feels like a mini-self-betrayal.
If the trailer ain't got We Are Family, I AIN'T SEEIN' IT.
Grilled cheese and tomato soup go so great together because they're PIZZA IN DISGUISE.
Free Will is an illusion. Please RT
shplanking (n) seeing someone planking and then shanking them.
Instead of literally or figuratively let's all just start saying emphasisly.
Oh man. What if I'M Banksy? Man. That never occurred to me. That'd be crazy.
@comedycentral // @elephantlarry
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