@christaland's (christa) most faved Tweets...
Me to the boy: "You have to go to school. It's like your job." Him to me: "Would you go to work if you didn't get paid?" Crap.
The boy: "Is that what you're wearing to the conference?" Me: "Is that what you're wearing to the orphanage?"
Being a female, there are some things I miss out on. Like earning a fair wage or giving a chest bump.
Twitter: where you lose followers with Gandhi quotes and gain followers with rape jokes. There's a life lesson there somewhere.
The highlight of my day? Borrowing my dad's phone & using it to text my sister. The text? "I'm very disappointed in your life choices." FTW
I'm brewing some tea. Alright, it's a vodka tonic. Actually, a vodka tonic without the tonic. Whatever, I'm drinking vodka from the bottle.
I tried to use logic to get the boy to do his chores. I lost him at disjunctive syllogism. Kids these days.
"That's how it's done, bitch." Probably not the best thing to say. While playing Wii. With a 9 yr old boy.
Really CNN? I can videotape myself reading twitter but it wouldn't be journalism. A little more effort would be appreciated.
Saw a picture of a kid dressed as Michael Phelps. The bong made the costume, but perhaps not the best choice for a 7-year-old.
Me to the boy: "Time for bed." Him to me: "Really, what is time?" Way to make me regret getting him the Einstein biography.
I've been planning an elaborate stunt involving my son, the Brooklyn Bridge, some legos and a bungee cord. Thanks Heene's for fucking it up.
Why do people with boring jobs like to talk about their boring jobs endlessly? Unless you're an astronaut or a hooker, I really don't care.
If God was going to make my mother such a bitch, he should have given me more patience. Or more money.
I am so happy my son is back from his weeklong fieldtrip. Tonight when I need a beer, he can get it for me. Kids are so precious(and handy!)
Did you know that blue placebo pills are more effective than any other color pill except in Italy? Yep, that's some team pride.
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