@christian95's (Christian Thompson) recent favourites. See who @christian95 favs the most...
I ain't sayin' she a gold digger either, but she just forged your name and emptied your bank account, Sir.
WHATS UP!! WHATS UP!!!

All the bulimic bitches in the house say "BLAAARRGGGH!!!"
"Cop" is not an acceptable synonym for "police officer." Use instead "The Man."
Things I hate: slimy old politicos who call me "young lady." I've got a house, kid, PhD and political experience. I'm grown.
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christian95
I quit drinking to save calories, but all I lost was the will to live.
That's an interesting scent you're wearing. What is it, queso?
Happy St. KEEP IT DOWN ASSHOLE.
Sometimes when I throw up I like to pretend the toilet is a baby bird and you're not even reading this anymore are you.
I think everyone should just forward all their medical bills to John Boehners Senate office.
I didn't wear green or drink a pint of Guinness, but I DID throw a handful of piping hot corned beef at a Protestant. So, we're good, right?
I want to get a job at Chili's so I can say "WHO ORDERED THE MOTHER FUCKING FAJITAS?!"
"If God had a plan for her, why did she end up in jail?"
"No one said it was a good plan."
Ruth has just changed her body shape from "Athletic" to "Out of.
Sorry...I know you classy bitches frown on the word "cunt." Just...I dunno, pretend I'm British or something.
That is NOT a pot of gold.

Mother Nature, you cunt.
I always drink to forget, but never forget to drink.
Does anyone know how much it would cost to tweet my friend in Venezuela? I want to tell him how close I am to getting my GED.
I don't insult. I merely compliment your flaws. Stop being ungrateful, you efficient fat collector, you.
Think they'll color the coffee green at the AA meetings tonight???
WARNING: A night of binge drinking, consuming corned beef and cabbage then having sex, will lead to nothing but a shitty shitty bang bang.
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