I bet Rudolph turned into a giant douche bag after that one Christmas

Sleeping is nice because you're not actually dead and you're not awake...so it's really a win-win situation

If there's anything I've learned it's that the bad parts in life eventually fade, and if you let them, the good parts only get better

"No one speaks a foreign language because once you're in the country that speaks it, it's a native language." you win @shakesmcquakes

I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you! #lotr #greatlines

@carlyswens glad to know I'm not the only one. I was starting to worry about my sanity

@grantadever chem is relevant

@carlyswens kirimvose. Valar Morghulis

What if Liam Neeson was in Game of Thrones? How awesome would that be?!

@carlyswens Plot twist: Rick is the racist

@carlyswens sadists are people too

"I don't need a thinner phone, I need a tortilla chip that can support the weight of guacamole."

I can't wait for tomorrow's episode!  http://i.imgur.com/kBV8f5r.jpg  @walkingdead_amc

Asked my dad why there is a dead deer in the back of his truck. He said "it must pay for it's sins." Ok, Art...

@carlyswens Canadians aren't real. Therefore, you do not exist

I'm not a robot, I'm cylon

Seriously kids, I know it's college but your parents made you shower and wear deodorant for some pretty good reasons

@carlyswens cold and calculated

@carlyswens sounds like my day so far

a rural county in Ireland legalized drunk driving. Surprise, surprise...