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When you've been married as long as I have you understand why Ken and Barbie are sold separately.
Men can't use sex to get what they want because sex IS what they want.
Dang, I'm the only person who faved your tweet. Well, this is awkward.
"I don't want to cheat but I'd like to have sex again"
~The Paradox of Marriage
I'm sure that one way or another, we've all been a story for a cab driver.
I was so looking forward to a girls weekend but the wife said "no"
Being angry at the world gains you nothing.
Showing kindness, empathy and compassion to the world gains you everything.
Golden Corral: because the People of WalMart gotta eat too.
*greetings from Southern France
It funny how those that have been slammed by life more than others think of each day as a gift.
Maybe we should pay attention.
Does this body make my butt look big?
When did we start replacing "etc.", "and such", "and what not" with "and shit?"
See, I have lots of useless questions and shit.
I'm not saying the guy at Chipotle enjoys the chronic but he rolled my burrito so tight it's now a taquito.
Older men chasing younger women is like dogs chasing cars: both wouldn't know what to do if they caught it and look damn silly doing it.
The fastest way to get someone to talk to me is to put on my headphones and concentrate on my work.
These scars are not to be hidden, they are to be celebrated.
They tell the story of a life lived.
Over the last couple weeks, I've had several reminders that there are real people with real lives behind the jokes.
Be good to each other.
Ladies! The language you sometimes use on Twitter...what do I owe you per minute?
I call bullshit! Target is selling replica concert t-shirts of 1980's concerts I had to attend to get the t-shirt the first time.
I'm not nearly as funny as I think I am but people keep encouraging me for some unknown reason. http://favstar.fm/users/cityrider49/recent