@luvpug In a happy coincidence, I'm having tacos for lunch, chocolate cake for dessert, and washing it all down with a quart of vodka.

@annoyinglyhappy Look around at everyone else, and I think you'll quickly agree that being different from most of them is a very good thing.

@worldofsmithy True. And Garth Brooks' version of Shameless is better than Billy Joel's. Though I'm a big Billy Joel fan, facts are facts.

@s4r4hf4ce The easiest way to tell the difference is that in the fucking Olympics, *everyone* gets gold in the water sports events.

@kevnasto Shame on Allstate. Their slogan is supposed to be "You're in good hands", not "Good hands are in you."

@devazi What's the point of being one without the other?

@annoyinglyhappy True. Most actions that people take without thinking are ones that they would much prefer to avoid thinking about later.

@crazyforcowboys Thanks! :) An unexpected wink-and-a-smile always makes a boring day a little bit nicer. Hope you're having a great one.

@crazyforcowboys You have a talent for understatement. We're all complete idiots, but are flattered that you didn't notice immediately.

@jazzerstace Even better advice: If you are a short, heavy person of either gender, do not wear a skin-tight anything to anywhere, ever.

“@rohitsinghjain: @maheshmurthy But nobody's got a right to infringe intellectual property.”... says the guy who's using someone else's avi.

@jenniferlsmithc Waga, wana, wego... They're all something like that. The Indians around here apparently weren't very creative.

@adar79angie Hey, stop exaggerating. My story barely lasted half an hour. And I saved $1.25. And it was creamed spinach, not corn.

@meaganbb1 But with that patented Harley roar, at least you can sound cool as long as you stay out of sight.

@awkwardkaren Well, you know. After that ugly Ronald McDonald incident, people should cut you some slack on the anxiety thing for a while.

@am_sax_er @sheseemslegit You don't have to only imagine it. Give it a try, and see how many followers it gets you!

@sheseemslegit Congrats! I'm currently a somewhat larger and slightly less naked ball of I-need-more-coffee-ness.

@dellen01 Got it! But how is that not poetic? You're practically Robert Frost. "Reaching Up the Dress on a Snowy Evening" will be a classic.

@classy_cassy89 It's only fair, as beer bottles include a bra opener (i.e., beer).

@blarebare My ex once had a dream about being a Thundercat's Ho.