Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
But is Jesus on your car insurance plan, Carrie Underwood?
"But soft, what white through yonder condom break? 'Tis the meat and Juliet is the bun." #shakespeareporn
Don't know why I never took a close-up picture of my man boobs and sent it to all of my friends. Better late than never.
Stop using chopsticks. No one's watching; you're not impressing anyone. Here's a fucking fork.
Leaves are changing. Better go write a fucking poem.
To those who have wished me a happy birthday, I send you all my love. To those who haven't, I double dog dare you to go outside alone later.
We didn't get to see the beginning of that eagle-baby video where Gandalf is seen whispering to a butterfly. I call bullshit.
A ring. Some Hobbits. No tits. #6WordFilmPlots
OFFICIALLY got the place in Fort Wayne, so if you see a portly gentleman walking around town in a banana hammock, don't be afraid to say hi.
I can hear the goddamn redneck hard-ons growing here in Hicksville after that fucking joke of a Senate decision.
Michael Phelps will get wet. #OlympicPredictions
Just the Tip, Charlie Brown #LesserPeanuts