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I have CDO.
It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order.
Like they should be.
Left lane - serious drivers.
Right lane - texters.
Twitter invented the sit down comedian.
Why did 7 ate 9? Math Salts.
Dub step sounds like Helen Keller having sex with Stephen Hawking to the sound of dial up Internet.
I'm not very good at writing in cursive..but I sure as fuck can speak it.
"Let's tape a spider to a lobster and scare the shit out of everyone forever." - God when he made scorpions
Dijon Vu -- really familiar mustard
If I had a dime for every time I've lost my lighter...we'd all be baked.
Bromine(Br) is the most "douchey" of all the halogens.
TEIAM -- problem solved
Every time I get unfollowed...I spit in a water fountain.
My pencil is an eracist.
Couldn't wait for my birthday on Wednesday...so I did like I do every year, I rubbed emu urine all over my body and then puked on the bed.
Hey white girls, good job RTing those backwards hat guys' that only tweet shit like, "#respect her, she beautiful"
"Chevy Chase" is almost a full sentence.
Stretch marks are fine by me. It's like there is a prettier person inside trying to burst out at the seems.
Did that Taco Bell drive through kid say sorry about the "wait" or "weight" ???
Anybody know how to get a hot dog out of a Gatorade bottle? Without like, breaking the hot dog or what ever?
Co worker beat me at Words With Freinds, so I had Words With Cops and she's now arrested for possession.
Hungry Man frozen dinner in human form. http://favstar.fm/users/claytonhaynes