Voluptuous women are sex personified. Silly rabbit, twigs are for kids!

I have a hard time figuring out if I'm an ass man, a tit guy, a foot lover, an eyes fan... fuck it, women are just beautiful!

Ladies, if you drive stick, I'll fuck you on principle.

Confidence is sexy. Overconfidence is not.

How are pornstars with long fingernails able to finger their own assholes without causing a fissure? These are the questions that plague me.

Redheads.


That is all.

Okay time to clean house. I mean clean and check Twitter once or twice. I mean Tweet and clean once or twice. I mean fuck cleaning.

People don’t use you. You allow yourself to be used. There’s a fine line, but it exists.

Relationships require love, intimacy. trust, communication and mutual respect. Without one of the above, you're probably just fucking.

PLEASE NOTE: Your starfuckings are the only action I get. Please be kind.

Related: Retweets make me orgasm.

We're not even together and my heart might just belong to you already.

I just starred your tweet. Wanna fuck?

Blondes have more fun, but Redheads give better head... and fuck better... and spread wider... and taste better... and ride like cowgirls...

I’m positive, I’m negative, I love, I hate, I desire, I push away, I accept, I deny, I share, I covet.

Most of all, I’m human.

I don’t fuck around.

Except when I’m fucking around.

Related: I’m always fucking around.

Adele is pregnant, right. Let's hope she doesn't lose the baby or we know what the subject of her entire next album will be.

Guys, trying to impress a woman on Twitter: a) have a good understanding of the English language, and b) spell simple words correctly!

Fuck you, blurry avi!

Once in a while I’ll see one of you spell a word in such a way that I KNOW it’s not just a typo, and a little piece of me dies inside.

I love the word "succulent", especially when it's in the same sentence as the word "cunt".