Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
i don't care what it is, if you remix any song with the original zelda theme i will bump that shit up and down every avenue.
twittering on iphone in one hand, enormous latte in the other. just then, a stiff gust came and popped my collar for the douchebag trifecta.
my patented four step approach to success: 1. show up, 2. start lying right away, 3. never, ever stop, 4. become the lies
bought wine in a ziploc from the new dollar store that opened where that meth lab used to be. pretty good... notes of tomato and toothpaste.
according to this guy on the bus, chest hair is the neck tie of 2010.
good public access should make you feel like you're on drugs
funny thing is, i didn't think eating nine hot pockets was a good idea BEFORE i did it either.
"this guy is so hip hop, he keeps his weed inside a giant diamond."
that donut just came all over my face.
now to leverage my alcoholism, alienation and contempt into a career as a successful novelist. when life gives you demons, make demonade.
looking up people on facebook, ten years later half the graduating class look like rapists, the other half are holding ugly babies.
oh, the reason i am not a philosopher? if i ever even think about a single thing for more than five minutes i get so pissed off i puke
how i quit smoking, fyi: drew a little face on each cigarette, gave it name, wrote it a life story, buried the butt w/ modest headstone
no matter what channel i turn the hotel tv to, it's nine minutes of commercials and then an episode of sex and the city.
i like my cab drivers like i like my love making--completely silent, no eye contact, the constant threat of conservative talk radio.
i put a few shots of whiskey in this mcflurry and immediately got a telephone call from the nobel people.
rapping was harder in the 80s because we had far fewer words that rhymed with 'weezy' and 'hove'
warm chocolate chip cookies and a tall glass of whiskey. like tennessee williams and betty crocker having rough, make-up sex in my tummy.
could god drink a beer so cheap that even he couldn't ironically enjoy it?
shaq is the sideways trucker cap of twitter