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  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Opening a new jar of Ponds cold cream is THE BEST. Honestly, it's like a choir of angels jizzed into a jar just for me.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    cmcookanakedgenesisapril_mcleanWritingInBed
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    WritingInBed
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Why would a raw vegan want to go out with me? Am I the Rachel Leigh Cook of some kind of hippie 'She's All That' scenario?

    • 3
    • FAVS
    ChristophrDAnnabryguy82alauraborealis
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    alauraborealis
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    My "moves" generally have more to do with Jäger than with Jagger.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    cmcookWritingInBed
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    shaynasaysROARWritingInBed
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Just when I reach for the remote, some basketball commentator says 'penetration' about 15 times in 30 seconds and my attention is regained.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    cmcookRosenthaltweetsthedavidmoMattgar
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    All caught up at work, so I'm going through the database and classifying all the romcoms & sad lady movies (see: Beaches) as 'Period Dramas'

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookthedavidmoalauraborealis
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ninehourfilms
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    I really miss Charles Nelson Reilly today.

    • 1
    • FAV
    IndianaPopovich
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    IndianaPopovichCarpetCrawlerDCCNReilly
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Can you listen to Gary Miller's soccer breakdown too many times? I don't think so. http://goo.gl/nXVU @dpshow

    • 4
    • FAVS
    WakeCane11JagerBom99jasonwhurleyBulletAC
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Bitch, if I wanted your opinion I would have put a 1-800 number at the bottom of your McDonald's receipt.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    mistavilaandrewnford
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    andrewnford
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    If I had a dollar for every beauty blog & video about how to do a "smokey eye", I would punch some bloggers in the face & pay a lawyer.

    • 1
    • FAV
    alauraborealis
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    BayuPriambadaKalauraborealis
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Guys who can get it from that montage: Ed Norton, RDJ, Robert DeNiro, Steve Carrell, Brad Pitt. And okay, probs Adam Sandler. Shutup #Oscars

    • 2
    • FAVS
    MusNightwalkershimmythrice
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    CelebrityTVHost__
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    "Move! I am trying to dance! Why isn't this Fleetwood Mac? Why aren't I watching Broadcast News? Where is this, even?" -drunkCarrie

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookalauraborealisthedavidmo
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    I'm drunk and you smell good. Let's not complicate things.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookericaricardothedavidmo
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    The version of me that goes on dates swears a lot less, but makes a lot more puns.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookmermaid_tale__________molls
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    OMG. You guys. Just saw The King's Speech. Throwing an Oscar party for Colin Firth. In my vagina. Guest List: Colin Firth.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookthedavidmovanssa
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Johnny Depp's hair in 21 Jump Street. Ugh. I can't even. It's like everything the Flowbee promised and never delivered.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookthedavidmoericaricardo
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    "Autocorrect is killing mr." - @capnmariam

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookvanssacapnmariam
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    I am struggling to understand why bands even keep trying. Fleetwood Mac released 'Rumours'. Mission Accomplished, popular music.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cmcookericaricardoalauraborealis
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    My dad's been on facebook less than 24 hours and he's already driven me to deactivate my account.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ChristophrDAnnamutgoff
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Woman on bus:"I haven't had fries in at least a year!" OH REALLY? Tell me more about what it's like to live a life completely devoid of joy.

    • 1
    • FAV
    andrewnford
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    andrewnford
  • cmcook
      Carrie Cook @cmcook

    Jesus, Kristen Stewart is doing the absolute MINIMUM required to be at the Oscars.

    • 1
    • FAV
    andrewnford
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    andrewnford
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@cmcook

@cmcook

Girl. Meat Eater. Television Lover. Unknown Twitter comedienne.