Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Opening a new jar of Ponds cold cream is THE BEST. Honestly, it's like a choir of angels jizzed into a jar just for me.
Why would a raw vegan want to go out with me? Am I the Rachel Leigh Cook of some kind of hippie 'She's All That' scenario?
My "moves" generally have more to do with Jäger than with Jagger.
Just when I reach for the remote, some basketball commentator says 'penetration' about 15 times in 30 seconds and my attention is regained.
All caught up at work, so I'm going through the database and classifying all the romcoms & sad lady movies (see: Beaches) as 'Period Dramas'
I really miss Charles Nelson Reilly today.
Bitch, if I wanted your opinion I would have put a 1-800 number at the bottom of your McDonald's receipt.
If I had a dollar for every beauty blog & video about how to do a "smokey eye", I would punch some bloggers in the face & pay a lawyer.
Guys who can get it from that montage: Ed Norton, RDJ, Robert DeNiro, Steve Carrell, Brad Pitt. And okay, probs Adam Sandler. Shutup #Oscars
"Move! I am trying to dance! Why isn't this Fleetwood Mac? Why aren't I watching Broadcast News? Where is this, even?" -drunkCarrie
I'm drunk and you smell good. Let's not complicate things.
The version of me that goes on dates swears a lot less, but makes a lot more puns.
OMG. You guys. Just saw The King's Speech. Throwing an Oscar party for Colin Firth. In my vagina. Guest List: Colin Firth.
Johnny Depp's hair in 21 Jump Street. Ugh. I can't even. It's like everything the Flowbee promised and never delivered.
I am struggling to understand why bands even keep trying. Fleetwood Mac released 'Rumours'. Mission Accomplished, popular music.
My dad's been on facebook less than 24 hours and he's already driven me to deactivate my account.
Woman on bus:"I haven't had fries in at least a year!" OH REALLY? Tell me more about what it's like to live a life completely devoid of joy.
Jesus, Kristen Stewart is doing the absolute MINIMUM required to be at the Oscars.
Girl. Meat Eater. Television Lover. Unknown Twitter comedienne.