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A lot of good conversations are ruined by some idiot that actually knows what he's talking about.
Girls with boobs like mine, dont talk to men with faces like yours.
52 notifications later and Im regretting liking your facebook status.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
is going to freeze some sperm for later use in life....Related news, no one use the ice cubes on the top shelf of my freezer.
Police officer: Anything you say will be held against you. Me: Penis
I understand the concept of being a responsible adult, I just dont understand how it's relevant to me.
A cracked rib, no skin on my right knee and a bruise the size of Japan on my arm....I'd say my night out drinking went rather well.
just taught son to make a cup of tea....BEST. MOVE. EVER
If I had a boyfriend I would only use Facebook to communicate with him. Cos thats what all the cool kids do, instead of using a phone.
The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are under cover police.
I hear the call of a lonely Smirnoff bottle. It's OK little buddy, I'll keep you company...
had enough of facefook, they should delete the whole thing and start again, without the shitty farmville and 'what colour turd will you be'
If you get a text of your one and only while he's playing CoD.....He doesnt love you, He's just dead atm.
Avatar.....Pocahontas with blue people.
Tiger Woods went from being married to its complicated.
Facebook needs a button that says "What you just wrote makes me want to stab you." Put it beside the Like button. Just a suggestion.
'So, you're a feminist....awwwww thats sooooo cute' *pinchs cheek*
You say 'family meal deal' I say dinner, breakfast and a small lunch.