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CNN reporting deadly Egyptian cobra missing from Bronx zoo. HIDE YO' KIDS, HIDE YO' WIFE.
Christina Aguliera says Tony Lucca's song was derogatory towards women, yet she sits there showing everything but her nipples.
Leslie Nielsen is dead and Justin Bieber is starring in a movie. Those fucking Mayans were right. The end of the world IS here.
IS TAYLOR HAVING A SEIZURE ON STAGE?!
I'm so tired of people trying to use the Internet to grow their businesses. The Internet is for porn and cat videos only.
So much sex to be had, so few willing participants.
I'm gonna do soooo many unspeakable things with my A/C tonight. You may want to look away.
It's weird to see Russian trending.. Медведев и Путин and Слава России. Sad too.
I wonder what would happen if you all got this worked up over the other 7,480 murders that occurred in the US in 2012.
Scoping out some Amish babes.
If #isaac has done one thing, it's made us ALL look like the people of Walmart.
Erections in the workplace. Friend or foe? Let's discuss... I've got a few minutes before I can get up anyways.
Kristen Stewart rocking the Just Been Fucked hair.
Someone tell Ali Velshi that the rest of the street behind him is not flooded and that he doesn't have to stand in the water.
As if this day couldn't get any more fucked up, I just found two feathers on the floor in the men's bathroom. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
Putting Winehouse in the same category as Joplin/Cobain/Morrison/Hendrix is like putting Milwaukee's Beast next to any other beer.
Al Gore saw his shadow today. This means 12 more years of global warming.
If I were a plumber, I'd start a business called ZOMBIE PLUMBING. My slogan would be "DDDRRRAAAAAIIINNNNSSSS!!!"
Amish goat farmer by day, exotic dancer by night. And sometimes, I make movies. I have a dirty mouth and a dirtier mind. Tweets are my own, not my employer's.