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When you’re a monster, the whole world is a nightmare.
Tell me I’m pretty.
Crushes on me die faster than the big tittied whore in a scary movie.
Only getting 4 hours of sleep is like dropping your pushpop on the floor after the first delicious lick.
I don’t miss him, but I hope he knows I lost a bunch of weight.
Not a hugger, just a mugger.
I’m not “fat,” I just have lots of “tattoo real estate.”
One of my tattoos is missing an apostrophe. No one messes with me at the library. Thug life.
I do crazy, irrational things because to do anything else seems like a waste of time entirely.
I dress my pillowpets in t-shirts, and name them, and now I really do have friends.
I’m sorry but that’s not a tattoo, that’s a tramptoo.
A reverse cowgirl is an Indian right?
I’m not technically peeping if I’m heckling.
Don’t run with a boner.
Smile and make a fool of yourself, BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT!
Getting “your princess is in another castle” as a tramp stamp.
I’m comfortable in the knowledge that I’m a normal amount of crazy, not white eyeliner amount of crazy.
I assume my mom is bad at sex because she doesn’t have good jewelry.
Penis owners, just so you know, I don't care to have your opinion on what is wrong with my car unless you have other qualifications.
DIBBS ON YOUR CORPSE!
Edna Pontellier complicated my life. Lettuce is the devil. I'm a mermaid, trapped as a mountain goat.