One of my tattoos is missing an apostrophe. No one messes with me at the library. Thug life.

I do crazy, irrational things because to do anything else seems like a waste of time entirely.

I dress my pillowpets in t-shirts, and name them, and now I really do have friends.

I’m sorry but that’s not a tattoo, that’s a tramptoo.

A reverse cowgirl is an Indian right?

I’m not technically peeping if I’m heckling.

Don’t run with a boner.

Smile and make a fool of yourself, BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT!

Getting “your princess is in another castle” as a tramp stamp.

I’m comfortable in the knowledge that I’m a normal amount of crazy, not white eyeliner amount of crazy.

I assume my mom is bad at sex because she doesn’t have good jewelry.

Penis owners, just so you know, I don't care to have your opinion on what is wrong with my car unless you have other qualifications.

DIBBS ON YOUR CORPSE!

Unrequited friendship. It’s a thing.

Bowser is Hades and Peach is Persephone and EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW.

Our matching orange jumpsuits will look amazing at the wedding.

Because I have Legos cooler than you.

I hope I get married in a bright, red-orange dress, like Buttercup in the fire swamp.

More afraid of the word “fisting,” than the whole dictionary.

Nobody puts baby in the corner, but against the headboard is just fine.