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Guys, how much would you pay for an app that plays 'Ring the Alarm' at your phone's top volume the very moment Beyonce has her baby?
Realized that I have no idea what an almond actually looks like growing on a tree. Googled it and now feeling more in touch with the earth
Before the storm, I wrote up a history of Tila Tequila's descent into madness for @slacktory. Distract yourself with it http://slacktory.com/2012/11/tila-tequila-conspiracy-theory-madness/ …
I'm just imagining Kirsten Dunst dressed as Marie Antoinette running down the the halls of Versaille with an iPad mini now
"Stop reading me my Miranda Rights, I'm more of a Carrie" - the worst possible joke I can imagine rn
Things I like rn: Barrymore Wines, Seinfeld references, Cheers references, Frasier references, social justice blogger jokes, citrus fruits
The most exciting job alert I have received today is a 'senior editor' for Neopets.
"I had a dream my life would be / so different than the MTV reality show I'm living" - The Miz
A bunch of 50 year old men blasting Korn in prospect park wearing leather jackets
Went to prospect park today and saw a 40 year old man blasting down with the sickness on an old school boombox. Cool day
#youcantdatemeif you're a horse girl. Sorry horse girls
Woke up with Boyz II Men 'I'll Make Love To You' stuck in my head and two of my best friends r getting married. All video footage clears me
Producer, writer, and fun guy. I mostly tweet about things I see on the subway, stuff I eat, and movies. Tweets are my own.