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@keelayjams I am otherkin and identify as single Stacy's sea salt flavored pita chip. That is my gender
Guys, how much would you pay for an app that plays 'Ring the Alarm' at your phone's top volume the very moment Beyonce has her baby?
Owning a grapefruit spoon has really revolutionized the way I eat grapefruits in the morning. This has been your #breakfast update.
Realized that I have no idea what an almond actually looks like growing on a tree. Googled it and now feeling more in touch with the earth
Before the storm, I wrote up a history of Tila Tequila's descent into madness for @slacktory. Distract yourself with it http://slacktory.com/2012/11/tila-tequila-conspiracy-theory-madness/ …
I'm just imagining Kirsten Dunst dressed as Marie Antoinette running down the the halls of Versaille with an iPad mini now
@bobbyfinger *enters Eastern Block bar during the event* *witnesses Melisandre giving birth to a shadow demon*
"Stop reading me my Miranda Rights, I'm more of a Carrie" - the worst possible joke I can imagine rn
#FutureStockPhotos Cyborg guy moving a couch into the back of a moving van
Things I like rn: Barrymore Wines, Seinfeld references, Cheers references, Frasier references, social justice blogger jokes, citrus fruits
The most exciting job alert I have received today is a 'senior editor' for Neopets.
@tricialockwood Sext: "Flick it" "Suck it" "Smack it" "Bop it" "Smack it" "Flip it" "Lick it" "Punch it" "Pull it" "Grab it" "Bop it"
"I had a dream my life would be / so different than the MTV reality show I'm living" - The Miz
A bunch of 50 year old men blasting Korn in prospect park wearing leather jackets
Went to prospect park today and saw a 40 year old man blasting down with the sickness on an old school boombox. Cool day
Woke up with Boyz II Men 'I'll Make Love To You' stuck in my head and two of my best friends r getting married. All video footage clears me
It's true ya'll. White ppl look like ferrets. Smh if you not down with @bigoletitties truth
Producer, writer, and fun guy. I mostly tweet about things I see on the subway, stuff I eat, and movies. Tweets are my own.
Stats can't be shown as @colinfitz has never signed in to Favstar.
