@conanobrienswyf's (Meg Abbitch) most faved Tweets...
I realize it's pointless to ask my dogs which one of them farted but if I don't ask they might think it was me.
I hate those ambulances that drive really slow with with their sirens on. There's one behind me now. So annoying.
With all the success of the Snuggie, hundreds of Mexicans are shooting themselves in the faces for not marketing the poncho better.
Why do people on Facebook say "OMG" that I tagged my kids' photo album as Fuck Trophy's? At least I'm admitting I had sex.
Having my mom follow me on twitter is almost as awkward as that time she used my dad to show me how to put a condom on properly.
Woman in the car next to me is funneling leftover powdered sugar from a donut bag into her fat mouth. This is what it looks like to give up.
Got kicked out of Blockbuster (again) for trying to hump the Ryan Reynolds cardboard cut-out. They should just give me the damn thing.
Can you believe Five Guys is a hamburger place and not an orgy store?! I'm too under dressed and overlubed to eat a hamburger now.
Everyone at the carwash next door has matching blinking ankle bracelets. I wonder how I could get one...
Little girl in my lobby keeps shouting 'stranger danger' at me. I said that's right little girl, and I think you will fit in my oven nicely.
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar