Thanks to credit cards most of us are still paying for beer we drank 3 years ago.

I watch so much crime tv that I could kill you and make it look like the easter bunny did it...

Facebook friends want prayers all the time...twitter friends, hell I have no clue what you guys want! Thats why I stay. The unknown...

If being bat shit crazy was as noticable as being good looking alot of you would not get dates.

In this state I am surrounded by Budweiser guzzling, mullett rockin,rebel flag/camo wearing rednecks...it really breaks my achy breaky heart

Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls!

Some women must have a magic mirror in there house otherwise would they really go out if they knew they looked like an open can of biscuits?

Thought someone stole my phone and all I was worried about was who exactly would be getting off to all my nudey pics...

What could be more fun than a demolition derby? Rednecks,beer, and imbreds fighting...only in Arkansas.

If I ever come up missing, save the search party time by not searching the gyms. I have also made a list of suspects if I disappear.

Hubby's idea of a Sunday date...drove me to the projects telling me to appreciate my life...the smell of broken 40's just what I needed

If you can not take the heat...do not tickle the dragon.

Ambulance and fire trucks would be so much cooler if sirens were replaced with the Ludacrus song "Move Bitch Get Out The Way."

Have you ever ran into a spiderweb and suddenly turn into a ninja

Living life at the rate of several 'wtf's' per second.

It is a shame stupidity cant be converted into some type of usable energy source

2011 pickup lines..."I have a full tank of gas."

The cops are calling it a hit and run, I am calling it a speed bump.

I've learned love is like a brick...you can build a house or sink a body...