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*looks up pics of spiders on gloogle* nice nice *turns mature content filter OFF* NICE NICE
at one point, every man named Gary was a baby and was introduced by his parents as "This is my baby, Gary" how fucked up is that shit
son we need to talk. your mom and i saw your internet history and it wasnt pretty. frankly, we are concerned. can you seriously not kickflip
dmx, jay-z, and kanye opening a new breakfast restaurant called X Hova Yeezy
#ThingsNotToSayOnTheFirstDate 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐 卐
this club is wild it got everything. long dark hallway, a large central pump, bubbles, big noodles flyin everywhere. wait is this a carwash
THE ALPHABET IN ORDER OF AESTHETIC SIMPLICITY:
I O U C J S L Z V N F E D P T X Y W M R B A K H Q G
PLEASE USE THIS SYSTEM FROM NOW ON
Kanye West opening a breakfast restaurant called 'Omelette You Finish'
son its time for the sex talk.pretend my computer is a girl. how might u find her settings? "dad u dont know how to use ur computer do u"
Anyone who says hi to a cat but doesn't do it in falsetto is a shady fucker
Go to church + change organists sheet music to slightly lower notes each week until after a while everyone is wearing hoods and eating drugs
if u want to impress girls just go to the hardware store and buy a bunch of saws. buy like 20 saws.
[__( ˘•˘ )__] sound asleep.
[__( °-° )__] wake up cuz u felt somethin weird.
[__( ›_‹ )__] its a poop. ur poopin.
[•[•[•[•[•[•[•_•]•]•]•]•]•]•] Lego guy gang comin right at u
*betrays best friend* LiVe✿LaUgH✿LoVe! *steals $ from own grandma* ♥nO ReGrEtS♥ *cheats & lies to everyone* ✌ＩＭ ＳＯ ＲＡＮＤＯＭ ✌
*interrupts friends* "u gotta hear this tweet..Ok.." *realizes tweet starts with 'action asterisks' & doesnt know how to read that out loud*
obama takes the podium. "today, we're ALL gay. I'm gay. I'm gay as hell"
son its time 4 the sex talk. this is a nude babes bod. point out the following body parts: Coinsac. Tiblio. Conch. Lubris. Terminal 9. Husk
son...it's time for the sex talk. Son, when a boy gets aroused, his sexpenis begins to float away from his body and into the sea, forever
|_( •_•)(•_• )_| tucked in for bed.
|_( ~_•)(~_~)_| peek over at u sleepin.
|_____(~_~)_| sneak out
cool, like a pond. Like how a pond is cool (temperature) but also cool like awesome, good, etc