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It is maybe a little unsettling how much more confident I am with a cardigan on.
When I say, "I work well under pressure," what I mean is, "I only ever work under pressure because I am the laziest person to ever exist."
My sister tells me it's unbecoming of me to curse in my tweets. I think she's probably right, you guys. It's unbecoming as fuck.
You'd think after all these years I'd remember that it's "later on we'll conspire" not "later on we'll perspire". But I mean, fires are hot?
Is there a better ending line to a movie than "I had to wait 300 years for a virgin to light a candle!"? #hocuspocus
Sometimes I add smiley faces to the end of text messages to people I don't know very well and then I hate myself.
It really frustrates me when people/places do the "one (1)" thing. It's so redundant (repetitive).
Maybe it's true that my last google search was "Pinocchio dildo" but the real question here is why doesn't this already exist? #freeidea
UGH, I left my water jug back at the hut and now I don't have anything to put this dirty water in! #thirdworldproblems
Life is a lot less fun if you go "awww" when you could be going "hahaha"
I can't start smoking cigarettes, Winona, stop making it look so sexy.
Working on a worksheet in class means bathroom nap time. Related: I may or may not have just fallen asleep on a toilet for 10 minutes.
People always look at me with pity when I eat by myself and I'm like guise it's cool I enjoy this lol
"3 x 2 is six, nigga! And 3 x 2 x 2 is *still* twelve, MOTHA FUCKA!" -argument I just walked past
I don't hate Fun. but fun hates me.
