Sometimes I laugh so hard tears run down my leg

My boyfriends so cute he always replies back with "Your suffocating me!!"...I'm pretty sure he means "you're" and "taking my breath away"

Hey criminal cleaning the side of the freeway Good Morning and sorry my apple core just hit u on the head

I'd be pissed if my last name was Jackson & my mom didn't name me Action

No alarm can get me to fly out of bed like a fucken Charlie Horse can!

Maybe it's time we let the beggars start choosing? Hahaa Just Kidding I don't talk to poor people

I hate when the sandwich artists fuck up...its like all that money on a sandwich degree from a fancy art school for nothing!

About to do a presentation that will make this company millions of dollars...Just kidding I'm working the cashier today! Yay

I hate tampon commercials. Period

"Tada!!" - what every douche says right before a long drawn out explanation of an accomplishment, as if they're some kind of fuckn magician

"JINX!" - Tweet thieves

If today is Thong Thursday which day is granny panty day....cuz I'm ready for that one

Cant wait to find a boyfriend so I could start planning my wedding already! Haaha JUST KIDDING!!..its already planned im not that crazy

STARS I'd sleep with from most famous to least 1.Super 2.Rock 3.Fav 4. Pawn

You guys are all a bunch of followers!

When I hear "ill get the last laugh" I always assume one laugh is left on the shelf & that crazy guy is gonna snatch it right up

Well its Friday guys...i was thinkin about giving a fuck today...unless you guys aren't? Then I wont either..keep me posted k

Note to self: don't compliment your coworker on her new sweater then follow up by saying "I just bought my dog one like it"

Follow. unfollow. star. reply. dm. unstar. follow. forward. star- Michael J Fox trying to star a tweet.

Just realized i spent $3,423,824,349,657,454.99 on starbucks this past year!