At my funeral I want my hand up so people can walk by and high five and say good game

I measure car trunks by how many dead hooker bodies I can fit in them

As long as Hell doesn't have spiders I'm in

the 4 best condiments are cheese ,weed,Bacon,and jack daniels

Every time I drop a load I yell amber alert because I just lost some kids

Is snooki the daughter of snarff from thundercats

I threw so many stars today I feel like a Fuckin ninja

I thought a DM was a Dick magnet

Everything p diddy touches gets ambush murdered at a red light

if I was on facebook I would "like" all my friends moms and not my friends

grammar is for people who can't read good

How much are front row tickets to a train wreck

how comes people who don't eat pork can never tell when I give them a pork hot dog ?

My balls look like fidel castros chin

is it true people in canada heads open like they do on south park

does bipolar mean you live on the equator

I always walk in a stabing motion when holding Sharp objects

Do u think ke$ha vaj looks like a blown out tractor trailer tire

the priceless look of a friends face when he sees his naked moms fathead on my bathroom wall

my dog said he would sell his soul to see someone break mike vicks leg like fran tarkentons