@covertheearth's (Cover The Earth) most faved Tweets...
You know what, interracial marriages are bad for the kids. It's not like they could grow up and BE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
Vaccinations are great and all, but I prefer to build up immunity the old fashioned way.
To the Burger King ball pit, kids!
To the Burger King ball pit, kids!
No one ever told me that fresh homemade pumpkin pie feels like soft, full, supple sideboob.
Excuse me. I need a moment alone with my pie.
Excuse me. I need a moment alone with my pie.
Called hub's office, forgot I was calling, freaked out when he answered, screamed and hung up.
Maybe I should eat something.
Maybe I should eat something.
Not sure why motherfucker's husband, fatherfucker, never took off. It's an alliteration and everything.
I don't think he understands that closet organization teeters on half the laundry being dirty at all times.
"When I ask you about your day, I do not want to hear about how many stars your top tweet got."
Luddite.
Luddite.
My son wants me to attach a duck's foot to his toy dinosaur, proving those Baby Frankenstein discs really paid off.
"Why does the clock for your feet make you sigh?"
5, while I stood on the bathroom scale this morning.
5, while I stood on the bathroom scale this morning.
Best part about a long car ride is the constant jiggling. Usually I'd pay for this kind of action.
Or be up against a washing machine.
Or be up against a washing machine.
CHILD IF YOU DID NOT WANT TO FALL HEADFIRST OFF THE COUCH MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE SLEPT UNTIL 10 THAT IS HOW MOMMY GETS HER SEA LEGS
If you mention camel toe the pants are shredded and I buy five to take their place, got it?
I mean, thanks for your honesty, dear.
I mean, thanks for your honesty, dear.
5 told me that when she grows up she wants to be three things: an artist, slacker, and sneaky.
As her role model I couldn't be more proud.
As her role model I couldn't be more proud.
I am so sore that when the airport security person patted me down I let out a little moan of relief.
Zipped right through that one.
Zipped right through that one.
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