@coyotesqrl's (R.A. Porter) most faved Tweets...
It's true what they say: the Squeaky Fromme gets Release.
Saw Gregory Peck's talent-free grandson, Ethan, on TV the other day. He fell so far from the apple tree, he's an orange.
When writers make out, instead of hickies they give each other the most Eudorable Weltys.
12
melissasantosRexHuppkekfedupblondediva11hurtlingdonchiefnerdmathcat345cinerinaBBGEEkarigeeperiwinklestephcolonelliles
When you gaze into the abbess, you are probably going to conduct gynecological exams on the rest of the nuns as well.
10
dysolutionChiNurseImAVeronicamarleymarleyMODATMorrosblondediva11nyccabgirlcravenheartRoxetteMabellon
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll hit you up to co-sign the loan on a boat. Cheaper just to feed him.
9
penblethPolarBear_criticaltheorydavislovenhmagpieMODATjoeschmittgunthergreencleapow
I want to open a Vietnamese restaurant in Birmingham Alabama: Pho Nom In AL.
8
jollilamajackholtcleapowcoyotetooMrBigFistsdavisloveblondediva11periwinklesteph
Was kicking a ball around with my dog. Wanted to bend it like Beckham; shanked like Sheldon instead. My cousin Sheldon the CPA.
7
davisloveessentially_meImAVeronicamarleymarleyAprilSTLkagilloglygunthergreen
I would tap that like a raven at my chamber door. #tapThat
7
PolarBear_jackholtMODATImAVeronicamarleymarleyblondediva11gunthergreen
Overheard at the drag club:

"I hear the new girl used to play center for the Raptors."

"We're going to need a bigger boa."
6
blondediva11cloudya01cleapowjollilamadonchiefnerdlafix
Did laundry this weekend; didn't realize cat was napping in the dryer. Now all my underwear is pink.
6
ChiNursecarrmahdysolutionMrBigFistsdonchiefnerdperiwinklesteph
She offered me a craft beer. She brought me a Bud Light in a Bedazzled Dixie Cup.
6
coyotesqrlpaul_e_wogIPFrehleydonchiefnerdMrBigFistsperiwinklesteph
Little Drummer Boy didn't have money to buy a proper gift for baby Jesus. He was a drummer; everything he earned went straight up his nose.
6
mikemorrowChiNursesmashedpotatoespaul_e_wogcarrmahdonchiefnerd
This one guy and I do not get along; I convinced him we should be frenemas. He's going to get a Fleet reminder of my burning hatred.
6
criticaltheoryBeef_TonguedavisloveChiNursemarleymarleycleapow
I asked the cabdriver to take me to Funky Town. He grunted and drove me to Piscataway.
6
MissAmbiguousessentially_meMODATmarleymarleyblondediva11ivegotzooms
Finally cracked the code on the Sesame Street theme song. "Sunny days" are cops; "clouds" are the homeless. Jim Henson was a monster.
6
GPappalardotams77davisloveblondediva11RoxetteMabellongunthergreen
Every baby is like a snowflake, unique and special. And if you hold them too long they leave a wet spot on your hand.
5
pagecrusherpenblethmathcat345davisloveninjacentric
This is scarf weather. I scarf pie and I scarf cake and I scarf hot chocolate...
5
jharlotamynicole21doublejackdavisloveperiwinklesteph
I've been invited to a lemon party on Saturday. Guess I'll be able to cross that off my bukkake list.
5
mathcat345atsirhcPaulosGMrBigFistsdavislove
In another few days, I expect Donald Sutherland to point at me and scream in an alien tongue, "BRIZZLY!!!!"
5
penblethnhmagpiedonchiefnerdblondediva11gunthergreen
The coroner found ligature marks on the vic's wrists and ankles. That's when I knew Encyclopædia Brown had to be stopped. #fb
5
nhmagpieBeef_TongueImAVeronicajollilamaChokladkakan
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