@coyotesqrl's (R.A. Porter) most faved Tweets...
Saw Gregory Peck's talent-free grandson, Ethan, on TV the other day. He fell so far from the apple tree, he's an orange.
When you gaze into the abbess, you are probably going to conduct gynecological exams on the rest of the nuns as well.
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Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll hit you up to co-sign the loan on a boat. Cheaper just to feed him.
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Was kicking a ball around with my dog. Wanted to bend it like Beckham; shanked like Sheldon instead. My cousin Sheldon the CPA.
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Overheard at the drag club:
"I hear the new girl used to play center for the Raptors."
"We're going to need a bigger boa."
"I hear the new girl used to play center for the Raptors."
"We're going to need a bigger boa."
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Did laundry this weekend; didn't realize cat was napping in the dryer. Now all my underwear is pink.
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Little Drummer Boy didn't have money to buy a proper gift for baby Jesus. He was a drummer; everything he earned went straight up his nose.
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This one guy and I do not get along; I convinced him we should be frenemas. He's going to get a Fleet reminder of my burning hatred.
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Finally cracked the code on the Sesame Street theme song. "Sunny days" are cops; "clouds" are the homeless. Jim Henson was a monster.
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Every baby is like a snowflake, unique and special. And if you hold them too long they leave a wet spot on your hand.
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I've been invited to a lemon party on Saturday. Guess I'll be able to cross that off my bukkake list.
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In another few days, I expect Donald Sutherland to point at me and scream in an alien tongue, "BRIZZLY!!!!"
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The coroner found ligature marks on the vic's wrists and ankles. That's when I knew Encyclopædia Brown had to be stopped. #fb
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