@cpinck's (Chris Pinckney) most faved Tweets...
The difference between people who toss cigarette butts out of cars and monkeys who fling poo escapes me at the moment.
If it was called playing “stupid fucking moron” instead of “devil’s advocate,” meetings would be a lot shorter.
Wife dragged me to a cooking class last night. I'm beyond clueless. When chef pointed out the whips & beaters, I shouted my safe word.
Wife: “Working out again? You have a girlfriend or something?”
Me: “Why, what’ve you heard?”
She laughed so hard I’m sleeping on the couch.
Me: “Why, what’ve you heard?”
She laughed so hard I’m sleeping on the couch.
if I understand this correctly, Boxing Day is the day the Pope is allowed to fight back.
Coolest. Holiday. Ever.
Coolest. Holiday. Ever.
If they didn't want me running around the place wearing my smock like a cape, they shouldn't have named it SuperCuts.
Talk about false advertising. As soon as the pet store opens, I'm returning this slightly used, yet disappointing blowfish.
Kissed my kids goodnight & one said, "I hope you live through the night."
Needless to say, he's the one that's most like me.
Needless to say, he's the one that's most like me.
Taking my kids rollerskating today. While there, I plan on investing in Microsoft. By the time we return to 2010, we'll be billionaires.
Operation “Gradually Set All the Clocks in the House Ahead So the Kids Think it’s Midnight at 9 pm” has commenced.
Son: I were eating—
Me: I *was* eating.
Son: You was eating?
Me: You *were* eating.”
Son: Who?
Bud Abbott: Both of you shut the hell up.
Me: I *was* eating.
Son: You was eating?
Me: You *were* eating.”
Son: Who?
Bud Abbott: Both of you shut the hell up.
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar