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  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    I can’t show how much I hate exclamation points without looking like a hypocrite.

    • 593
    • FAVS
    FoodontheFoodAlanFelykBDGarpjumpdasharkAC_CutsdaliamalekWesleyChoy_JayS2S
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    CVTBabyjumpdasharkThatGirl_Joannevanerenee________sylviamarialugomattywoollettassiekayGhetto_Trophy
    CVTBabyFlirtyNikkaYidago____________
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all luftballons.

    • 361
    • FAVS
    funnyguyjumpdasharkHormonellaAC_CutsCarlosVanSRonJiminyKicksItCpez38frk_maria
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    Postbode_SimonJiriKrewinkelFlyGoldfishFlyladydior1thealterzrositalollipopKeriurato_________kathleenwright
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    I wonder if there's a number between one and ten that's thinking about me too.

    • 239
    • FAVS
    FoodontheFoodJoethePearsonWetzelGeekiNuskuAJHerringshawmathcat345metafrothDustytext
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    taniaekAJHerringshaw_coursouvrajuroscitocrystalsloneckrdanielbmarianitheHouseOfMilkgirlwithsometho
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    Life would be easier if Kleenex just made shirt sleeves.

    • 297
    • FAVS
    FoodontheFoodfunnyguySmiley_VirusssjumpdasharkHormonellaAC_CutsJiminyKicksItCpez38
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    Smiley_VirussssnydjumpdasharknikhimselfmarxtuckCrystalMoonablepatsfan1029TheLaughBank
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    The difference between people who toss cigarette butts out of cars and monkeys who fling poo escapes me at the moment.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItCpez38frk_mariamadamesnooty______GingerliciousMe__lvvzz
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    martinfintanProseKEmungeinikhimselfCVTBabysnickerswiggle____ispypandaseminolegirl97
    CVTBaby
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    Fact: Your sub is worth a lot more if the sandwich artist dies after making it.

    • 251
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkJiminyKicksItCpez38madamesnooty______SmilingSimilelvvzzCseashellsDodoLurker________
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    benittto3Favstar250itsNaPolitana____q8iyadownunderkellyskellyThe_MarkEKrissynyyFavstar500Favs
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    Motels 1 through 5 must’ve been real dumps.

    • 238
    • FAVS
    funnyguyjumpdasharkcharlzeroswollenvoicegarypdaleysteve_condraJimd8128RyneKisch
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    DocSlaveMr_Unknown2u______DarkmagickanCortB21HormonellaFunnyBoneClubsk9kayakeralaskatravelgrm
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    I’m bringin’ sexy back. To the store.

    The assembly instructions were too confusing.

    • 251
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItCpez38frk_mariamadamesnooty______lvvzzDodoLurker________
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar_NSFWburntsugarvaltwiggyfavstar1000favscrapriciousgirljungle________KatsUniverse
    Petote
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.

    • 240
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItCpez38frk_mariaHurly_BurlylvvzzDodoLurker________
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    devinmcmahanthebeststufficDom_T4Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favschas50knel61Krissynyy
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    If it was called playing “stupid fucking moron” instead of “devil’s advocate,” meetings would be a lot shorter.

    • 233
    • FAVS
    FoodontheFoodjumpdasharkHormonellaAC_CutsTweetsByLori______JiminyKicksItAddMusicMammaLady_Davo
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    TheGregWagnerLady_DavoBJBennyBoomCpez38Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favsnavitronicTheRealDamo
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    I’ve gotten pretty good at holding the corporate ladder steady while people climb it.

    • 222
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaAC_CutsJiminyKicksItCpez38frk_mariaSmilingSimilelvvzz
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    YouSeeMikejoyreneeJeniScagnettiKellyWasHereBabyMBizzle__Favstar500Favslucyspet__________favstar1000favs
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    Replaced my bathroom mirror with a flat screen TV and I look fantastic this morning. I’m also a pirate!

    • 214
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkJiminyKicksItCpez38NotThatKevinLael_LenehanHurly_BurlyPetotelvvzz
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Hurly_BurlyBillWendelexpatinaFavstar500FavswendykingsmithiveyfavsanibalbarbosaBoringBee
    richmckay
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    My son read a stop sign and asked what a 3-way was. My wife explained without me giggling once.

    Guess those shock collars really do work.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItGingerliciousMe__lvvzzDodoLurker________FussySaffaAspersioncast
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    DavySunshineJediJunkieg41j1n_______AlekzD10Favstar500FavsloganbearyBiffparsonsfavstar1000favs
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    The worst thing about being a poster child is probably the fear of thumbtacks.

    • 218
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItlvvzzDodoLurker________AspersioncastkyboCameron_Slade
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    CarolThompsonMKteh_DedeFavstar500Favsfavstar1000favs
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    Wife: “Working out again? You have a girlfriend or something?”
    Me: “Why, what’ve you heard?”

    She laughed so hard I’m sleeping on the couch.

    • 215
    • FAVS
    muyachris670onume_jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItlvvzzAspersioncastCameron_Slade
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    onume_Favstar500FavsItMadeMeLaughfavstar1000favsjaceandersonchas50
    nikhimself
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    My sweatpants say “I’m sorry” across the ass. It’s the least I could do.

    • 213
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItGingerliciousMe__lvvzzDodoLurker________AspersioncastCameron_Slade
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    alcoholabeth
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    My wife wants a minivan, but I threatened to withhold sex if she gets one.

    Anyway, it’s Salsa Red Pearl and handles like a dream!

    • 196
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaAC_CutsJiminyKicksItfrk_marialvvzzDodoLurker________Aspersioncast
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    skybarber________CrystalMoonablemikebranskimemoirgirlToy_A101favstar1000favsRandomHold________bigjens
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    Pro Tip: Don’t draw little hearts around her name on the restraining order.

    • 192
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItfrk_mariallvvzzlvvzzDodoLurker________Aspersioncast
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    cdowney84laurensamsmithRandomHold________amanda0852Favstar500Favsthis503girl______favstar1000favsCorbinC2009
    TimHainesThatsAFakeLaugh__
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    I’ve never met this ‘Asshole’ person, but I must look a lot like him.

    • 196
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItfrk_marialvvzzDodoLurker________AspersioncastCameron_Slade
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    LisaEireneGCalais_naanaohhhangelo________Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favschas50insanetwo
  • cpinck
      Chris Pinckney @cpinck

    Wife dragged me to a cooking class last night. I'm beyond clueless. When chef pointed out the whips & beaters, I shouted my safe word.

    • 200
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkHormonellaJiminyKicksItfrk_marialvvzzDodoLurker________AspersioncastSanhoTree
@cpinck

@cpinck

Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.