Popular Recent Faved By Given
Friends: 195
Followers: 3,126
Favs Given: 3,196
Favs Rec'd: 18,514
@crackbarbie's (your real name) most faved Tweets...
crackbarbie
Old people sleep in separate beds because they don't want to wake up next to a dead body.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Me: I had an awful day.
Him: Rough?
M: Yes! I dealt with so much BS!
H: Rough.
M: It's like you don't even care!
H: Rough.


I hate my dog.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
I'm definitely going home with the Mom of the Year award. I took the double A's out of my vibrator so my son can play SpongeBob Operation.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
I think that they should put pictures of missing transvestites on cartons of Half and Half.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Did you know you can fit 5 jelly beans in a sleeping child's nostril? I mean, I bet you can.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
I'm buying the store brand toilet paper. I don't have any assholes to impress this week.
@crackbarbie
111
thedutyjordonmcravenheartdesignbuffMystique1975mykey_moonBumbleBunnyOverlandParkerruthakersladymisskaterrebel2DDDBUEdgellACEMissCarlyPantsfactualfiction96VIEW
ALL
crackbarbie
Before I saw the "fundraiser" part of that sign, "Leukemia Spaghetti" sounded horrifying.
@crackbarbie
101
johnwgunnbumpcrudFriedWordsGirl11ElevenFuck_StickxcvishnubreannamaurerFreakdadDeathBlossomnhmagpievinniesimontarrbonisteelgrumpassgrumpawmexyco86VIEW
ALL
crackbarbie
Do you know what that useless skin around the vagina is? The woman.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
What do you call a black guy that flys a plane? A pilot, you racists.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Awwww, that was sweet of them. Nyquil has a recommended dosage.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Pretty sad when I can look through favrd to find the first day of my last period.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Spell check always tries to change "jalepeno" to "jalopy" "Queso" to "quest" & "Mexican" to "cheap laborer." Phone is not Hispanic friendly.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Is it wrong that whenever I see an ambulance in front of a nursing home "Another one bites the dust" pops into my head?
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Spilled my fucking Chinese food. This is why I can't have rice things.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
I'm the classiest person in this mall and I just pooped my pants.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Nobody gets my bad 80's band puns. Maybe I should Go Go to a Crowded House in Chicago where some Men At Work can get me a fresh Air Supply.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia.
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
You'd think after a certain size they'd stop making "skinny jeans"
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
10 year old is in the bathroom pooping and grunting. 4 year old said "Are you turnin' into Hulk in there?"
@crackbarbie
crackbarbie
Every time I've gotten my wallet out of my bag to pay for something, a food wrapper comes with it. I now know the shame Kirstie Alley feels.
@crackbarbie
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar