@crankfetter's (Sapwell Puddintain) most faved Tweets...
Owner of the bookstore told me to stop directing fat people towards the large print section. "It's not funny," she said.
I imagine all my organs watching in horror as I grocery shop. Liver: No, not the wine! Gut: Cheese? Not again! Heart: Ghaah red meat! No!
Is there something like Viagra for increasing your cuddling-after endurance? I'm asking for guys who actually get laid.
I want some of this makeup sex that everyone talks about but what do you do? Go down on the lipstick? Ah shit, she's calling security.
OHAI BOSS didn't see you standing there. Twitter? Tool I use to maintain our website. These people? Hosting company staff. Jolly bunch, eh?
Does your cat bite? (NO HE SPITS ACID IN YOUR FACE) "Oh no he's very friendly." I assault customers with my mind. That is my superpower.
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