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Lets get silly stoned, watch the Golden Girls, eat some cheesecake and pretend that everything is okay.
I wonder how many raccoons I see on the side of the road are just drunk.
If you rub your beard on me I'll probably not care about your cum face. Or your cum noises. Or what day it is.
The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that time heals all wounds. The wound of losing someone you love dearly never heals.
Me: Hello
Mom: I can’t hear you.
Me: HELLO?!?
Mom: I can’t hear you.
Me: OH MY FUCKING GOD!
Mom: Don’t talk like that to your mother.
Since I share a birthday with the greatest female vocalist EVER(Billie Holiday), I expect a few thousand happy vagina wishes pretty soon.
Maybe if we diagnosed some of these adults with "shitty parent disorder" we could take a big chunk out of the ADD / ADHD statistics.
If you think I'm unapproachable on here, just imagine how I am in real life.
Aaaannnndddddd that's why I'm single.
Today was supposed to have been the first day of the rest of my life and I overslept.