Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I don't mind when people make kitchen jokes about women, but when they make jokes about women driving... Well that's when I run you over
Why do people say clean as a whistle? Whistles aren't clean, they're full of spit
If you have multiple people in your avi, I'll just assume you're the ugly one
Those people that say "My house is your house" are so nice. But, I don't know, tweeting from someone else's bathroom just isn't the same
When I have kids, I'm going to tell them how I was a published writer (twitter) and photographer (instagram) all while going to school
I love my friends.. But I went swimming today and got some water stuck in my head, are they gonna drown?? :(
The best tweets are the ones that don't make any sense, so go get your potato before granny chokes on it and sinks in the elevator!
"I've seen your twitter page" can sometimes be a threat in the real world
I gave up on trying to explain twitter followers to people. They say imaginary friends, I say pocket buddies
Can all you guys come over later and tell my mom I'm funny? As a kid, she would always tell me "That's not funny, now put your skirt down!"
I'm trying this thing out called "being nice" IS IT WORKING YET ASSHOLES? -Thank you
Good luck on running away from your fears for the rest of your life
I like to believe I'm 38% bipolar... Or maybe it was multiple personality. Ahhh Damn It! I guess its tourettes. Shit!
Why do we have to tickle Elmo, I paid $30 for this shit, it better be tickling me
Everyone seems to have a twitter crush? I haven't found anyone worth crushing yet but I'll keep you guys updated
As I was walking today, I heard a voice that sounded very familiar. It was then that it hit me, I was speaking to myself too loudly
Someone just asked me if I knew what twitter was. Excuse me, does it look like I still live in 2007 and carry a Motorola razor around?
Creepy people with determination always seem to love me
You see, this is what happens when you let women think for themselves, they come up with new cookie recipes!
I wish they send u a trophy in the mail when you get one from favstar. That way, momma can finally be proud of me
One time, I had a joke in real life and I ended up laughing so hard I couldn't tell it. MOM, DON'T CLICK TWEETS IT MIGHT CAUSE A VIRUS.