Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
How old do you have to be to get away with laying in fetal position on the floor?
Weak men are intimidated by strong women
That amazing feeling you get in your back when you lay down after a long day at work <3
I officially don't like "Beth," she gave all her old friends my number and now they're calling me
Some of my favorite people are strangers because they haven't opened their mouths yet
Advice to EMS personnel: monitor what your partner eats so you won't suffer the consequences
We can all agree the tables have toe armies that go and attack our toes if we get too close
Days when you wish your drive home was longer because you're not done thinking alone
I can usually predict when gas will get cheaper... The day after I fill up
Ever wake up feeling like Bruce Lee? Yes? Ok, well I'll blame you for the broken vase
Not sure if the baby was hugging me or trying to undo my bra
By stopping we are only going backwards as everyone else rushes forward
Am I still supposed to be breathing heavily an hour after plyometrics or am I dying?
And then I realized, being the nice girl isn't so bad afterall. People will act tough but they just need an ear and a smile
I come home to relax, I go to work to stay sane
People with anger issues PISS ME OFF
It's all fun and games until the old lady flicks you off
Twitter now shows you when people retweet other people from your timeline but don't retweet you. It's like my childhood all over again!
Doc: "On any medications?"
Me: "Only about 8 kids vitamin gummies a day."
One time, I had a joke in real life and I ended up laughing so hard I couldn't tell it. MOM, DON'T CLICK TWEETS IT MIGHT CAUSE A VIRUS.